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Most large companies nowadays operate multi-nationally. To what extent do multinational companies have responsibilities toward local communities in which they operate? v.2

Most large companies nowadays operate multi-nationally. v. 2
In the present times, privacy is one of the major concerns of everyone. Currently a debate is going on between two groups of people, where the first group thinks that the media have the right to publish details of someone's personal life. On the other hand, the second group believes that whatever is published in the media about the personal lives of people should be controlled. This essay will discuss both sides of the point in detail. At present, getting information about someone's personal life has become very easy owing to the development of information technology. In order to increase the sales, media companies publish details of people's private lives. They justify their position by saying that, they are only publishing the truth and everyone has the right to know that. It increases transparency and accountability, as the media reveal the secret of corrupt politicians and businessmen. It is a general believe, that people tend to be honest with their activities, if they know that their personal lives can be exposed to the public. On the contrary, if the media starts to interfere with everyone's personal activities and publish them in their news, then people will be left with no personal space. As we know, everyone wants to enjoy their personal life and expend private moments with their loved ones, therefore, it is mandatory to regulate what can be published in the news. The penalty must be imposed, if the media do not follow the rules. A recent survey has shown that sixty percent of the people do not want to share their personal lives in the media. To sum up, privacy issue is a very important matter of discussion nowadays and many people have different opinions in this regard. Although, some people love the idea, that media have the right to expose someone by stating the truth, the other believes that media must follow a set of rules and honour one's private life.
In the present times, privacy is one of the major concerns of everyone.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
a debate is going on between two groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, where the
first
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have the right to publish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of someone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
On the other hand
, the second group believes that whatever
is published
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be controlled
. This essay will discuss both sides of the point in detail.

At present, getting information about someone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy owing to the development of information technology. In order to increase the sales,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
publish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. They justify their position by saying that, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
publishing the truth and everyone has the right to know that. It increases transparency and accountability, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
reveal the secret of corrupt politicians and businessmen. It is a general believe, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be honest with their activities, if they know that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
can
be exposed
to the public.

On the contrary
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to interfere with everyone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
activities and publish them in their news, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
space. As we know, everyone wants to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and expend private moments with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones,
therefore
, it is mandatory to regulate what can
be published
in the news. The penalty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be imposed
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
do not follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. A recent survey has shown that sixty percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want to share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in the media.

To sum up, privacy issue is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
matter of discussion nowadays and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions in this regard. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have the right to expose someone by stating the truth, the other believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow a set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
one's private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Most large companies nowadays operate multi-nationally. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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