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Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. To what extent do you agree? v.10

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. v. 10
Art is a part of human life, in many countries, people preserve their arts for upcoming generations. Some people believe that the government should provide aid to the artists in order to make them sustain in their field. I partially disagree with this view. Since the funds are allocated from the people's tax, it should be equally spent on all domains which are in a financial predicament. In this era of modernization, many traditional arts are on the verge of extinction as many people believe that those are out-dated. Despite earning low wages, some artists are still trying to preserve the arts that they are practicing; therefore, the regime should fund them to continue their profession which can be passed down to their future generations. To illustrate, The President of The United States of America has allocated a monthly stipend for those craftsmen who earn less than 500 USD per month. Thus, most of them are tending to continue with their work and arts would be secured. However, the government should also support the people of other firms who earn minimum remuneration. Since the working population is paying taxes to the government, it must be spent without partiality. There are many impoverished people are struggling to run their life without decent pay. For example, in many countries, a sheer number of farmers have been earning very less pay for many decades and desperately needed help from the regime. Hence, authorities should also concern about other endangering firms like agriculture. In conclusion, although it is important to support artists financially to prevent art from becoming extinct, the regime should consider other domains as well. I believe, in the future, the authorities of the nation would take steps to address all the issues without biased.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is a part of human life, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preserve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
for upcoming generations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide aid to the artists in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them sustain in their field. I
partially
disagree with this view. Since the funds
are allocated
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's tax, it should be
equally
spent on all domains which are in a financial predicament.

In this era of modernization,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are on the verge of extinction as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that those are out-dated. Despite earning low wages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
artists are
still
trying to preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
that they are practicing;
therefore
, the regime should fund them to continue their profession which can
be passed
down to their future generations. To illustrate, The
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
President of The United States
of America has allocated a monthly stipend for those craftsmen who earn less than 500 USD per month.
Thus
, most of them are tending to continue with their work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
would
be secured
.

However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of other firms who earn minimum remuneration. Since the working population is paying taxes to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be spent
without partiality. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
impoverished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are struggling to run their life without decent pay.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, a sheer number of farmers have been earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less pay for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
decades and
desperately
needed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the regime.
Hence
, authorities should
also
concern about other endangering firms like agriculture.

In conclusion
, although it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to support artists
financially
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
from becoming extinct, the regime should consider other domains
as well
. I believe, in the future, the authorities of the nation would take steps to address all the issues without biased.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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