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most are cleabrite are not happy their proffession life

most are cleabrite are not happy their proffession life x2YnN
In recent decades, most movie stars and music celebrities have earned popularity which provides time with a lot of money and luxurious life styles. Although some argue that the money they earn and their luxury come at the express their happiness actually this problem is their choices. There are plan truth that dicisions on life balance have inculding time and impactes their daily mood. For example, while many stars spend time for families and friends, otherwise, prefer like social media. It usually brings more bad than good. second, popularity acts they cannot control their minds it is inncentive for negative effect such as social evil. in reality, many teengers are choosing use their money on alcohol and they are joined in crime. In conclusion, many film star and music star make lot of money and live their improvident world at the their time and popularity blance. Nevertheless balance. Nevertheless, the happiness life completely depend on mind but not the material.
In recent decades, most movie
stars
and music celebrities have earned popularity which provides
time
with
a lot of
money
and luxurious life styles. Although
some
argue that the
money
they earn and their luxury
come
at the express their happiness actually this problem is their choices.

There are plan truth that
dicisions
on life balance have
inculding
time
and
impactes
their daily mood.
For example
, while
many
stars
spend
time
for families and friends,
otherwise
, prefer like social media. It
usually
brings more
bad
than
good
.

second
, popularity acts they cannot control their minds it is
inncentive
for
negative
effect such as social evil.
in
reality,
many
teengers
are choosing
use
their
money
on
alcohol and
they are
joined
in crime.

In conclusion
,
many
film star and music star
make
lot of
money
and
live
their improvident world at the their
time
and popularity
blance
.
Nevertheless
balance.
Nevertheless
, the happiness life completely depend on mind
but
not the material.
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IELTS essay most are cleabrite are not happy their proffession life

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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