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More youths are worried about their appearance. What is the main cause and how can you cope with that?

More youths are worried about their appearance. What is the main cause and how can you cope with that? R5WNM
According to many studies, it is true that physical appearance is a big concern of many youths. There are several reasons why they are worried, and some steps should be taken to deal with this situation. Firstly, the influence of social media is the main cause of these youths’ dissatisfaction. Social media, such as Facebook and Instagram, are often full of pictures of those who have beautiful appearance and wear luxurious clothes. As the result, young children are affected by these images and start to have negative thoughts about their own appearance. However, most of the images are in fact photoshopped. Secondly, being worried over appearance is also owing to body shaming, which is common in daily life. In other words, people criticize young children just because of how they look. This can lead to many detrimental effects, which can be extremely harmful to their mental health. To illustrate, a study in the UK has shown that one in four children are concerned about their appearance There are two effective solutions to tackle this problem. One way to deal with this is to raise people’s awareness about the danger of body shaming and how it affects others negatively. By doing this, people will stop criticizing youths’ appearance and start to respect them for being different. In addition, banning photoshop on social media is another method to address the problem. That is to say, the government should impose a ban on pictures that are photoshopped without a reasonable explanation to help youths feel that they are not ugly. To conclude, being concerned about appearance is a common problem, but by implementing these solutions young children will no longer worry about how they look and be more confident in life.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies, it is true that physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
concern of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youths. There are several reasons why they
are worried
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps should
be taken
to deal with this situation.

Firstly
, the influence of social media is the main cause of these youths’ dissatisfaction. Social media, such as Facebook and Instagram, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
full of pictures of those who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
and wear luxurious clothes. As the result, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by these images and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
.
However
, most of the images are in fact photoshopped.
Secondly
,
being worried
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
is
also
owing to body shaming, which is common in daily life.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
criticize young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of how they look. This can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental effects, which can be
extremely
harmful to their mental health. To illustrate, a study in the UK has shown that one in four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are concerned
about their appearance

There are two effective solutions to tackle this problem. One way to deal with this is to raise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s awareness about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of body shaming and how it affects others
negatively
. By doing this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
criticizing youths’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to respect them for being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
In addition
, banning photoshop on social media is another method to address the problem.
That is
to say, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose a ban on pictures that
are photoshopped
without a reasonable explanation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
youths feel that they are not ugly.

To conclude
,
being concerned
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
is a common problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by implementing these solutions young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will no longer worry about how they look and be more confident in life.

IELTS essay More youths are worried about their appearance. What is the main cause and how can you cope with that?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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