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More students are moving from developing countries to developed countries. Are rich countries stealing talented people from poorer countries? How can people be encouraged to stay in their home country?

More students are moving from developing countries to developed countries. Are rich countries stealing talented people from poorer countries? How can people be encouraged to stay in their home country? dOJ7
There have been endless discussions on the increasing number of students from developing countries having a tendency of moving to developed countries in recent years. This could be considered the case as rich countries are offering high-quality policies to attract overseas people. However, there would be several measures to encourage people to stay in their home country. Discussed below will be several explanations for those statements. On the one hand, it can be assumed that developed countries are offering numerous great conditions to attract gifted people from less developed nations. Initially, it is undeniable that rich nations have long been known for their updated and high-qualified education programs. Not only are those programs known for serving great standards, but they also attract students thanks to the variety of fields and majors. Those conditions can hardly be found in poorer countries. As a result, students tend to go abroad to seek for greater conditions. Furthermore, those who have finished their education phase often find it favorable to work in the countries they have spent years studying and experiencing. Developed countries, with their already grown economies, often possess a developed job market. Once the job market is prosperous, employees from overseas would easily find places to develop themselves. On the other hand, there are some measures that poorer countries should take to encourage talented people to stay in, in order to prevent the brain drain situations. In the first place, education programs need to be updated, in both curriculums and teachers, lecturers. Being provided with more varied majors and fields, there could be a decrease in the number of students who have to seek schools abroad. Moreover, teachers should also equip themselves with updated skills and knowledge to attract students during lessons. Secondly, governments of developing nations should take their job markets more seriously. To be more specific, if working environments were upgraded with more appealing opportunities, workers or the undergraduate would be more satisfied with the chances that they can obtain in their home countries. Consequently, people would decide to stay in and devote their talents and efforts to their own countries. In conclusion, it is undeniable that developed countries are attracting more talented people from developing countries. Nevertheless, those poorer nations can totally take actions to encourage their citizens to stay in.
There have been endless discussions on the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
having a tendency of moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in recent years. This could
be considered
the case as rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are offering high-quality policies to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attract
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, there would be several measures to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Discussed below will be several explanations for those statements.

On the one hand, it can
be assumed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are offering numerous great conditions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attract
gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Initially
, it is undeniable that rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have long
been known
for their updated and high-qualified education programs. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are those programs known for serving great standards,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
thanks to the variety of fields and majors. Those conditions can hardly
be found
in poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to go abroad to seek for greater conditions.
Furthermore
, those who have finished their education phase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find it favorable to work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
they have spent years studying and experiencing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, with their already grown economies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
possess a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
job market. Once the job market is prosperous, employees from overseas would
easily
find places to develop themselves.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures that poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should take to encourage talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
in, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the brain drain situations. In the
first
place, education programs need to
be updated
, in both curriculums and teachers, lecturers.
Being provided
with more varied majors and fields, there could be a decrease in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
seek schools abroad.
Moreover
, teachers should
also
equip themselves with updated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
during lessons.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should take their job markets more
seriously
. To be more specific, if working environments
were upgraded
with more appealing opportunities, workers or the undergraduate would be more satisfied with the chances that they can obtain in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
in and devote their talents and efforts to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
countries.

In conclusion
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are attracting more talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Nevertheless
, those poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can
totally
take actions to encourage their citizens to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
in.

IELTS essay More students are moving from developing countries to developed countries. Are rich countries stealing talented people from poorer countries? How can people be encouraged to stay in their home country?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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