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In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree?

In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. lwo9
These days, people go to shopping malls, both for shopping and entertainment. Some people believe that in the future, the main purpose of going to malls will be entertainment, not shopping. But in my opinion, I choose both sides that you can both go shopping and go for shopping in malls. Generally, shopping malls have some advantages for people who want to shop compared with other methods of shopping like online shopping. They let people enjoy buying goods with their family members or friends. Also, people who go to shopping malls will have the chance of choosing between different choices. People who go to shopping malls can avoid some disadvantages of other ways of buying like online shopping. Sometimes you have to wait for delivery for several days and sometimes the goods are not what you want. I often have to return clothes and other items because the size or colour is wrong for me. Also, in some other people's opinion, shopping malls are entertaining places rather than a proper place to shop. But in fact, there will be so many places in each city that people will be able to go for entertainment ( cinemas, bowling alleys, restaurants ) instead of going to shopping malls. Finally, shops definitely give character to a shopping mall. In fact, loses its meaning and concept without shops. I believe that there will be a place for shops in each shopping mall in the future. Although entertainment facilities will grow in number.
These days,
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people
go to
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shopping
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malls
, both for
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shopping
and entertainment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
believe that in the future, the main purpose of going to
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malls
will be entertainment, not
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shopping
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my opinion, I choose both sides that you can both go
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shopping
and go for
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shopping
in malls.

Generally
,
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shopping
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malls
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages for
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people
who want to
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shop
compared with
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other
methods of
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shopping
like online
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shopping
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
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people
enjoy buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
with their family members or friends.
Also
,
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people
who go to
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shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
will have the chance of choosing between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
choices.
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People
who go to
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shopping
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malls
can avoid
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some
disadvantages of
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other
ways of buying like online
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shopping
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
you
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have to
wait for delivery for several days and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are not what you want. I
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often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
return clothes and
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other
items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the size or
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
is
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wrong
for me.

Also
, in
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some
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other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's opinion,
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shopping
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malls
are entertaining
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places
rather
than a proper
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place
to
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shop
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in fact, there will be
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so
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many
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places
in each city that
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people
will be able to go for entertainment
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
cinemas, bowling alleys, restaurants
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
instead
of going to
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shopping
malls.

Finally
,
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shops
definitely give character to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
. In fact, loses its meaning and concept without shops.

I believe that there will be a
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place
for
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shops
in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
in the future.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
entertainment facilities will grow in number.

IELTS essay In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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