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More students are moving from developing countries to developed countries. Are rich countries stealing talented people from poorer countries? How can people be encouraged to stay in their home country?

More students are moving from developing countries to developed countries. Are rich countries stealing talented people from poorer countries? How can people be encouraged to stay in their home country? 319N
Today, developed countries become more attractive destinations for most students, especially the students in developing countries. Some people think that poorer countries are losing talented people regulary because of the attractions of rich countries. However, I do not agree with this statement. The host countries should have responsibilities in encouraging people to stay in these countries by some solutions in this essay. Developed countries should not be accused to steal the talent of other countries. To begin with, they only create better opportunities for studying, living and working. These countries have adequate conditions to promote people to develop all their abilities and show their individual thinking. In addition, they do not impose any policy to give pressure on students to stay in their country. For example, America has a lot of scholarships for international students but students have to meet plenty of requirements if they want to stay as a citizen. Finally, abroad students are encouraged to come back to their home countries to contribute to the development of those countries. The developed countries just carry on their responsibility for the world according to the United Nations Charters. People tend to move to rich countries because of the chances to have better education and life. To encourage them to stay in their countries, the government in these countries has to improve the education system first. If they could access the education with international standards, they do not need to go abroad to study. In an optimistic sense, these countries will become ideal places for students from other countries. Besides, we could ensure a widen chances of occupations for abroad students when they return after graduating. Good working conditions and attractive salaries will appeal to them. Last but not least, the government should renovate the facilities and living conditions to help people have a more convenient life. So that people can take the potential to study and promote themselves. In conclusion, developed countries do not make developing countries lose talented people. These poorer countries should focus on their policies to encourage the talent to stay in their countries.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
become more attractive destinations for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in developing
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countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are losing talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
regulary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the attractions of rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. The host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should have responsibilities in encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions in this essay.

Developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should not
be accused
to steal the talent of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
create better opportunities for studying, living and working. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have adequate conditions to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to develop all their abilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their individual thinking.
In addition
, they do not impose any policy to give pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, America has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
scholarships for international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of requirements if they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
as a citizen.
Finally
, abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to contribute to the development of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The developed
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countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
carry on their responsibility for the world according to the United Nations Charters.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the chances to have better education and life. To encourage them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the education system
first
. If they could access the education with international standards, they do not need to go abroad to study. In an optimistic sense, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will become ideal places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Besides
, we could ensure
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'widen' is correct. If 'widen' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a widen
chances of occupations for abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
when they return after graduating.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
working conditions and attractive salaries will appeal to them. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should renovate the facilities and living conditions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a more convenient life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take the potential to study and promote themselves.

In conclusion
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
lose talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. These poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should focus on their policies to encourage the talent to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.

IELTS essay More students are moving from developing countries to developed countries. Are rich countries stealing talented people from poorer countries? How can people be encouraged to stay in their home country?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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