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More people have decided to have children in their later age than in the past. What are the advantages and disadvantage of doing so?

More people have decided to have children in their later age than in the past. What are the advantages and disadvantage of doing so? PVkgX
Nowadays, the number of people who choose to give a birth in thier late ages, for example, in their thirties or fourties, has been incresing. There are some positive and negative effects that are resulted from situation that people not tend to have children in their twenties. On the one hand, the advantage of this statement is that people can focus to built their careers. Almost all people get their job in their twenties and they have to enrich their experience. If people have children in their twenties, they have to take their time to raise children that were supposed to used to their work and aquire skills. Plus, they might have to take child-care leave. Therefore, if they decided to raise children in their late ages, they can gain exprerience and master skills of their job in their twenties. Furthermore, when they settle in their job in their thirties and fourties, they have enough time to take care of their children, so they can succeed in both career and child care. On the other hand, having children in people's late age is physically burden. It is hard for women to give a birth in their late ages because people's strength and health begin to decline in their thirties and fourties. Hence, if women give a birth in thier twenties, they can prevent from having huger physical burden than their thirties and fourties. In my opinion, the advantage is more significant than disadvantage, because people recently consider that having own job is more importat than having family. Also, more and more people irrespective of gender tend to independent. Thus, people should prior to get a job before having a baby. In conclusion, there are pros and cons in having children in people's late ages. Not having a child in their twenties enable them to concentrate their job to gain skills. However, it is difficult to give a birth because of physically decline. To my mind, the positive side is more beneficial than negative side.
Nowadays, the number of
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people
who choose to
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give
a
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birth
in
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thier
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late
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ages
,
for example
, in their thirties or
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fourties
, has been
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incresing
. There are
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some
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positive
and
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negative
effects that
are resulted
from situation that
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people
not tend to have
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children
in their twenties.

On the one hand, the advantage of this statement is that
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people
can focus to built their careers. Almost all
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
twenties and
they
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have to
enrich their experience. If
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people
have
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children
in their twenties, they
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have to
take their time to raise
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children
that
were supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to their work and
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aquire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Plus, they might
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have to
take child-care
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
.
Therefore
, if they decided to raise
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children
in their
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late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, they can gain
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exprerience
and master
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of their
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job
in their twenties.
Furthermore
, when they settle in their
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job
in their thirties and
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fourties
, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to take care of their
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children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can succeed in both career and child care.

On the other hand
,
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having
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children
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
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late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is
physically
burden. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for women to
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give
a
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birth
in their
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late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's strength and health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to decline in their thirties and
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fourties
.
Hence
, if women
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give
a
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birth
in
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thier
twenties, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from
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having
huger physical burden than their thirties and
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fourties
.

In my opinion, the advantage is more significant than disadvantage,
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because
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people
recently consider that
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having
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own
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job
is more
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importat
than
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having
family.
Also
, more and more
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people
irrespective of gender tend to independent.
Thus
,
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people
The word 'prior' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
should prior
to
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get
a
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job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a baby.

In conclusion
, there are pros and cons in
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having
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children
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. Not
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having
a child in their twenties enable them to concentrate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
However
, it is difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
physically
decline. To my mind, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side is more beneficial than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side.
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IELTS essay More people have decided to have children in their later age than in the past. What are the advantages and disadvantage of doing so?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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