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More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

A lot of people chooses to give birth to their children in their first years of marriage while others do not. This essay will discuss the etiology of this idea. Not only the cause but it will compair between the pros and cons as well. Firstly, having children is a huge responsibility which represents the major reason why many parents should reconsider before having any. Because parents love each other, they should think very well about their duties towards their sons and daughters. Secondly, benefits might clearly outweigh disadvantages. On the first hand, benfits includes having fun in your early life. For example, if you have enough physical strenght, you will go hiking. Furthermore, gaining experience which is the key to a well raised kid. Moreover, this experience is directly linked to the years you live. So the more you live, the more wise you become which will reflect on your raising techniques. On the other hand, disadvantages are confined in only not being able to keep pace with the big generation gab. To cut a long story short, we established why parents consider having their kids later rather than earlier. In addition to the ups and downs of this theory. In my opinion, bringing up my babies at early ages is not the best.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
chooses to give birth to their children in their
first
years of marriage while others do not. This essay will discuss the etiology of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will
Possible spelling mistake found.
compair
between the pros and cons
as well
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
children is a huge responsibility which represents the major reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents should reconsider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
any.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
each other, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well about their duties towards their sons and daughters.

Secondly
, benefits might
clearly
outweigh disadvantages. On the
first
hand,
Possible spelling mistake found.
benfits
includes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
fun in your early life.
For example
, if you have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
physical
Possible spelling mistake found.
strenght
, you will go hiking.
Furthermore
, gaining experience which is the key to a well raised kid.
Moreover
, this experience is
directly
linked to the years you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the more you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, the more wise you become which will reflect on your raising techniques.
On the other hand
, disadvantages
are confined
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
not being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
pace with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
generation gab.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
a long story short, we established why parents consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
their kids later
rather
than earlier.
In addition
to the ups and downs of this theory. In my opinion, bringing up my babies at early ages is not the best.

IELTS essay More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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