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entertainers deserve their salaries discuss both opinions

Some believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Nowadays, most of media figures make much more money than scientists and well-educated individuals worldwide. Some people think they make valued contributions to the entire society so they deserve what they earn. (fragment and incomplete sentence). I (avoid it) believe that most of them have caused detrimental effects (totally wrong structure) Both views will be explained in this essay in addition to my opinion. I believe that their negative effects surpass their contributions to their societies. On one hand, media figures either singers, actors or TV presenters play a substantial role in people’s lives. Watching a comedy movie or informal dance show helps in changing the mood and triggers happiness hormones which improve the mental health and ease the daily stress. In addition to this, some of these figures have set a good example to the youth. In other words, most of them went through a lot and faced with many obstacles and hardships. Your sentence structures are really strange and are not straightforward This can be exemplified by the story of the great actor Jean van Damme, (comma) which has inspired many individuals to fight for who they are, and never accept than they deserve. Moreover, some of them are involved in humanitarian efforts to raise money for poor people and the victims of war crimes such as the lovely actor Angeline Jolie. This can provide a natural sense of accomplishments and help in boosting the self confidence (no need for this sentence) On the other hand, (who are they? ) are not always ideal persons to be respected. In other words, (no need) humans make mistakes but their (repetition) are exposed to the public and not easy to be forgotten. Totally wrong sentence structure (you keep repeating yourself) According to a survey conducted by the Egyptian physiological professor Moahmed Hussines in 2018, most violent crimes committed by the youth are because of the movies they watched for their favorite actors. Terrible example and a very poor idea In conclusion, (incomplete sentence). However, its providers should be chosen carefully and balance should be made between what entertainers offer to the community and what they get in exchange.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that entertainers
are paid
too much and their impact on society is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
, while others disagree and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that they deserve the money they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on others. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays,
After ‘most of’, you should use ‘the’ (“most of the media”) or simply say “most media”.
most of media
figures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
much more money than scientists and well-educated individuals worldwide.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
valued contributions to the entire society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they deserve what they earn. (fragment and incomplete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sentence)
. I (avoid it)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that most of them have caused detrimental effects (
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
structure) Both views will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in this essay
in addition
to my opinion.

I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects surpass their contributions to their societies.

On one hand, media figures either singers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actors
or TV presenters play a substantial role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Watching a comedy movie or informal dance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in changing the mood and triggers happiness hormones which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the mental health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these figures have set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example to the youth. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, most of them went through a lot and faced with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obstacles and hardships. Your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sentence
structures are
really
strange and are not straightforward This can
be exemplified
by the story of the great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actor
Jean van
Possible spelling mistake found.
Damme
, (comma) which has inspired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals to fight for who they are, and never accept than they deserve.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
are involved
in humanitarian efforts to raise money for poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the victims of war crimes such as the lovely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actor
Angeline
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jolie
. This can provide a natural sense of accomplishments and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in boosting the
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
self confidence
(no need for this sentence)

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, (who are they?
Don’t put a space before the closing parenthesis.
)
are not always ideal persons to
be respected
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, (no need) humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
mistakes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their (repetition)
are exposed
to the public and not easy to
be forgotten
.
Totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sentence
structure (you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
repeating yourself) According to a survey conducted by the Egyptian physiological professor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Moahmed
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hussines
in 2018, most violent crimes committed by the youth are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the movies they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
for their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actors
. Terrible example and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea


In conclusion
, (incomplete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sentence)
.
However
, its providers should
be chosen
carefully
and balance should
be made
between what entertainers offer to the community and what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in exchange.
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IELTS essay entertainers deserve their salaries discuss both opinions

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
399 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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