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More people are traveling today than ever before. Why do you think this is? v.1

More people are traveling today than ever before. Why do you think this is? v. 1
Retirement age is a controversial issue and having a single policy for all professionals is not practical according to many. While some people think that a pre-set retirement age would be helpful both for the government and the citizens, others, often disagree. This essay delves into this issue and gives a brief description of what type of workers would be benefitted from early retirement. To start with, 65 years as the retirement age seems quite acceptable to many. This is the age when a person becomes physically weak and want to enjoy life without taking extra pressure on the occupation. Moreover, this ensures that the government can plan the retirement scheme for the retirees properly and does not face any problem to support those senior citizens who retired from their jobs. However, this is not the case in all professions and that is why many disagree with the set departure age. They also say that some professionals should have the freedom to leave their jobs early and enjoy the benefits of early retirements. They express their view on the ground that 65 years is too late and some particular employees who want to enjoy their post-retirement years by travelling or doing something on their own. For instance, many employees dream to travel to different parts of the world after their retirements and if they wait till 65, it becomes physically more challenging. Moreover, people who are in professions like teaching, politics and research have things to contribute even after they are 60. But this is not the case in many professions and they should be given the chance to take early retirements and create opportunities for the new. For instance, an IT professional might want to leave a full-time job when he is 45 and start his own company. If he is forced to work in a company till 65, he would never be able to fulfil his dream and a young graduate would not be able to find a job. Getting back to the question, who would get advantages from early retirement, I think there are many professionals who can do so. First of all, any doctor can retire from his job and start a private clinic to serve more people at a convenient time. Similarly, the engineers and technicians can leave their job at around 40 and start their own business, travel the world and get involved in innovative works. I think anyone who has a better plan that continuing job after 45 should be able to do so. To conclude, a set evacuation age is helpful for certain mediocre professions but not for the people who have their own dreams and plans. The government should consider to let employees take early retirement to give chances to the fresh graduates and to let the aged people achieve their aspirations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is a controversial issue and having a single policy for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
is not practical according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
would be helpful both for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the citizens, others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
disagree. This essay delves into this issue and gives a brief description of what type of workers would be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
retirement.

To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
with, 65 years as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
seems quite acceptable to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. This is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
when a person becomes
physically
weak and want to enjoy life without taking extra pressure on the occupation.
Moreover
, this ensures that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can plan the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
scheme for the retirees
properly
and does not face any problem to support those senior citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
retired from their jobs.

However
, this is not the case in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
and
that is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disagree with the set departure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. They
also
say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
should have the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
and enjoy the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirements
. They express their view on the ground that 65 years is too late and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to enjoy their post-retirement years by travelling or doing something on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees dream to travel to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirements
and if they wait till 65, it becomes
physically
more challenging.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
like teaching, politics and research have things to contribute even after they are 60.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this is not the case in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
professions and
they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the chance to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirements
and create opportunities for the new.
For instance
, an IT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
might want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
when he is 45 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. If he
is forced
to work in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
till 65, he would never be able to fulfil his dream and a young graduate would not be able to find a job.

Getting back to the question,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
advantages from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, any doctor can retire from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
a private clinic to serve more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at a convenient time.
Similarly
, the engineers and technicians can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at around 40 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business, travel the world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in innovative works. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
anyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a better plan that continuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after 45 should be able to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

To conclude
, a set evacuation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is helpful for certain mediocre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
dreams and plans. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should consider to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
employees take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
to give chances to the fresh graduates and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
achieve their aspirations.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay More people are traveling today than ever before. Why do you think this is? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
471 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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