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more number of Young population

more number of Young population xPm8g
Nowadays, the people of some countries that have the young people more than the old people. Some people thinks when their countries have the young people more than the old people will be good because, that could increases the population in the future. Another people thinks it not good due to some countries limit the population, if that have more young children, it will over limit. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages about in some countries have the young people more than the old people. One of advantage is increasing the population. In some countries support the family to have more children because that can increases the population in the future. For example, in Singapore, Piliphine and so on. What is more chancing to improve the educations as when they have a lot of young generation, the government could improve a good education. Also, they can develop the systems include the qualified teachers, the good atmosphere. One of disadvantages is the place for study. If the young generation still a lot, the school will not enough for the study, the government should construct more school. Also, when they have the new schools, the teacher will not enough to teach them. The university should get more student to study about teaching education. Another disadvantages is the quality of education. If the many students learn in the classroom, the teachers can not take care all. For instance, when they have a problem they will need some help from the teachers. Furthermore, when they grow up the unemployee problem will happen because the company can not receive everybody to get a job. In conclusion, in some countries that have the young population more than the old population, the government should manage the education system. Moreover, they should prepare the plans for sloving unemployee problems which can happen in the future
Nowadays, the
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people
of
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some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that have the
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more

than the
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old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
thinks
when their
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countries
have the young

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more than the
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old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
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good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, that could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "increase"
increases


the
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population
in the future. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
thinks
it not
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good
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some


countries limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
, if that have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children, it will over

limit. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages about in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some


countries have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

One of advantage is increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
support the

family to have more children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that can increases the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in the

future.
For example
, in Singapore,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Piliphine
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
What is more
chancing

to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
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educations
as when they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation, the

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Also
, they can develop the

systems include the qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
atmosphere.

One of disadvantages is the place for study. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation
still
a lot,

the school will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for the study, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should construct

more school.
Also
, when they have the new schools, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
will not

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to teach them. The university should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more student to study

about teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Another disadvantages
You should probably use: "are".
is
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. If the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students learn

in the classroom, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can not take care all.
For instance
, when they

have a problem they will need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
Furthermore
,

when they grow up the
Possible spelling mistake found.
unemployee
problem will happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
can not receive everybody to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job.

In conclusion
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
more than

the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system.

Moreover
, they should prepare the plans for
Possible spelling mistake found.
sloving
Possible spelling mistake found.
unemployee
problems

which can happen in the future
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IELTS essay more number of Young population

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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