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More dad's are staying at home looking after children.is this a positive or negative development.

More dad's are staying at home looking after children. is this a positive or negative development. pRKO9
In present times, more and more women have become breadwinner for their family while their husbands choose to stay at home looking after kids. In my opinion, this is a negative development due to its detrimental effects on growth of a newly born child and also increased societal pressure for father. Firstly, mothers as a breadwinner in the family puts tremendous pressure on them to earn the livelihood. Since they are the only one to earn in the family, its very difficult for them to handle tough times in the family such as birth of a new born baby. Although, they can avail maternity leave, but they have to soon resume their work in order to handle family responsibilities. Furthermore, new born babies need a special care and emotional connection in the starting days which can only be fulfilled by mothers. Consequently, it will have a negative effect on the development of a child. For example, a recent study conducted by a child care center presents that new born babies are likely to get free from any disease after their birth when they spend enormous time with theory mothers. Moreover, results of the reversal of natural roles, which is staying at home for the mother and handling household responsibilities for the father, can sometimes be counterproductive. This is because financial dependency of men on their wives in the family can hit their self-esteem, resulting into a disturbed harmony between the family members. Also, it will have a bad impact on society as society will take it as the incapabilitty of man to earn money. In conclusion, while mothers can handle the financial responsibilities of a family by their own, it can sometimes be stressful for them and also it has a bad impact on newly born child which can not be overlooked.
In present times, more and more women have become breadwinner for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
while their husbands choose to stay at home looking after kids. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development due to its detrimental effects on growth of a
newly
born
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and
also
increased societal pressure for father.

Firstly
, mothers as a breadwinner in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
puts tremendous pressure on them to earn the livelihood. Since they are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one to earn in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for them to handle tough times in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
such as birth of a new born baby. Although, they can avail maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
resume their work in order to handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
responsibilities.
Furthermore
, new born babies need a special care and emotional connection in the starting days which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be fulfilled
by mothers.
Consequently
, it will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
For example
, a recent study conducted by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
care center presents that new born babies are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
free from any disease after their birth when they spend enormous time with theory mothers.

Moreover
, results of the reversal of natural roles, which is staying at home for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
and handling household responsibilities for the father, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be counterproductive. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
financial dependency of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
on their wives in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can hit their self-esteem, resulting into a disturbed harmony between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
Also
, it will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on society as society will take it as the
Possible spelling mistake found.
incapabilitty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
to earn money.

In conclusion
, while mothers can handle the financial responsibilities of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be stressful for them and
also
it has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on
newly
born
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
which can not
be overlooked
.
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IELTS essay More dad's are staying at home looking after children. is this a positive or negative development.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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