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Nowadays people are forgetting national celebrations and enjoying themselves on other days that are important to them personally. Discuss and give your opinion.

Nowadays people are forgetting national celebrations and enjoying themselves on other days that are important to them personally. Discuss and give your opinion. PVRDj
In this modern life, people are giving more preference to other day celebrations than the national celebrations. As they are enjoying other days as it give more happiness and socialism. There are various reasons people are disdain their national celebration. In this essay I will explain more detail about the various causes behind it. Undeniably, other day celebrations like Valentine's day, Friendship day, Holy, Deepavali, Christmas etc. , are celebrated imperative all over the world. The essence is they are sharing love, affection and gifts. Due to financial crisis, government education policy makes younger generation losing their national spirit. For example, in Britain most of the youth protest due to increase of tuition fees, unemployment and education funding cuts. Moreover, due to increase in tax payment, higher competition in job, which force people to concentrate on their ambition rather than on their nation. School children are forced to study for long hours to get good marks instead of knowing values, culture of their country. Due to international trade policy, some countries burden on their people. For example, In India, people are fury on the government decision on hiking petrol and diesel prices steadily make people to focus on money instead of their nation. In addition, due to corruption of the government servants who make people are against the nation. It results in financial crisis force people to migrate to other richer countries to enrich lifestyle. For example, In India, due to poverty and unemployment, people are migrating to wealthy nations like United States of America, United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, etc. In a nutshell, patriotism in all over the world fading gradually due to various reasons and forces them to celebrate on other days instead of their national day celebrations. Children should be taught national values, integrity, brotherhood and discipline. Government employees are protector of the nation they should be honest in their work and well being of their nation which will result in prosperity and integrity in their nation.
In this modern life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are giving more preference to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
. As they are enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
days as it give more happiness and socialism. There are various reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are disdain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
. In this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
more detail about the various causes behind it.

Undeniably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
like
Capitalize holidays.
Valentine's day
, Friendship day, Holy,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Deepavali
, Christmas etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
are celebrated
imperative all over the world. The essence is they are sharing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, affection and gifts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to financial crisis,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
education policy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
younger generation losing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
spirit.
For example
, in Britain most of the youth protest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to increase of tuition fees, unemployment and education funding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to increase in tax payment, higher competition in job, which force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to concentrate on their ambition
rather
than on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. School children
are forced
to study for long hours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks
instead
of knowing values, culture of their country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to international trade policy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries burden on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, In India,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are fury on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
decision on hiking petrol and diesel prices
steadily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to focus on money
instead
of their nation.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to corruption of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
servants who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. It results in financial crisis force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to migrate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
richer countries to enrich lifestyle.
For example
, In India,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to poverty and unemployment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are migrating to wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the United States".
like United States
of America, United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, etc.

In a nutshell, patriotism in all over the world fading
gradually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to various reasons and forces them to celebrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
days
instead
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
. Children should
be taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
values, integrity, brotherhood and discipline.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
employees are protector of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
they should be honest in their work and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
which will result in prosperity and integrity in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays people are forgetting national celebrations and enjoying themselves on other days that are important to them personally. Discuss and give your opinion.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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