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More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work. Why? Who benefit more?

More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work. Why? Who benefit more? Lq0lG
Nowadays, volunteers work is getting more popular in developed countries. There is a trend that young people are preferring to work in poorer countries for a short time without getting paid. Some of the acceptable reasons will be discussed before going over some of the benefits of this. There are some reasonable explanations of why are so many people decided to do those unpaid works. Firstly, it may begin with love and sharing. Sharing and helping each other are good virtues and are always appreciated. Therefore, it is not surprising that many young people join hands to spread this value. Secondly, volunteering contributes significantly to making a beautiful CV. If you want to apply for the job, a skillful person will be an ideal option for the recruiters. Your volunteer experiences are a plus mark that other candidates cannot match even with a flawless score in theory. The fact that young people work without pay in poorer countries has many benefits for both themselves and society. Volunteering is beneficial to one's self-improvement. Experiential learning helps to gain experience in jobs that were previously only heard about and taught in books, causing you to become proficient in them. Soft skills will be developed in addition, allowing you to improve both physically and mentally. For society, these activities bring lots of benefits for undeveloped countries. Shortages in housing or education can be solved at less cost. People's awareness of underprivileged countries can also be boosted, resulting in an increase in the number of people willing to aid. This will be a crucial stage toward countries' rapid development. Given the aforementioned benefits, it's no surprise that young people in industrialized countries are becoming more interested in volunteering. In conclusion, doing volunteer work in poorer countries is becoming more popular due to its humanity and employment potential through the skills gained during that time. I believe that both the volunteers and the community benefit from the practice described above.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is getting more popular in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. There is a trend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for a short time without getting paid.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
acceptable reasons will
be discussed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going over
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of this.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasonable explanations of why are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decided to do those unpaid works.
Firstly
, it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and sharing. Sharing and helping each other are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
virtues and are always appreciated.
Therefore
, it is not surprising that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
hands to spread this value.
Secondly
, volunteering contributes
significantly
to making a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
CV. If you want to apply for the job, a skillful person will be an ideal option for the recruiters. Your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
experiences are a plus mark that other candidates cannot match even with a flawless score in theory.

The fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without pay in poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
for both themselves and society. Volunteering is beneficial to one's self-improvement. Experiential learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to gain experience in jobs that were previously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
heard about and taught in books, causing you to become proficient in them. Soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
be developed
in addition
, allowing you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
both
physically
and mentally. For society, these activities bring lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
for undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Shortages in housing or education can
be solved
at less cost.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's awareness of underprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
also
be boosted
, resulting in an increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
willing to aid. This will be a crucial stage toward countries' rapid development.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
, it's no surprise that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in industrialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are becoming more interested in volunteering.

In conclusion
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is becoming more popular due to its humanity and employment potential through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
gained during that time. I believe that both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteers
and the community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
from the practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above.
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IELTS essay More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work. Why? Who benefit more?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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