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Describe your experiences, future plans and why did you choose Turkey?

Describe your experiences, future plans and why did you choose Turkey? NWB8j
I live in a country called Uzbekistan. From my childhood I was always dissatisfied with my own results because I grew up among adults, even though I was ahead of my peers. My relatives and family members have been almost builders, so I grew up among smart and experienced people who in this field from a young age. I have spent my summer vacations among them, that is, on construction sites. I tried to be with the project managers in those days. I was eager to participate in the discussions, get the necessary information and express my opinion. After I had some experience and understanding in this field, I began to see the shortcomings of this industry on a national scale. I was involved in the construction of a school, kindergarten and several shops. Some of this was an experience for me, also some seemed contradictory and stupid to the information I was looking for in the social media. I have become accustomed to easily finding the flaws of buildings that many envy look at. Taking our capital Tashkent as an example, today it has a population of about 3 million. Located in a large area but having problems which depend on housing is growing. There are also a large number of immigrants to the city. The government cannot provide housing for everyone. But Istanbul is home to 15. 7 million people and it is the largest city in Europe. Naturally, of course, it depends on the city engineers. I think the main shortcoming of Uzbekistan is the lack of specialists. I would like to explore the strategies and mechanisms that Turkey has used to address this issue. I will attain it joining the “Turkiye burslari”. I believe that education is a key factor in solving this problem. There are several reasons why I choose Turkey: As Turkey has been successful in this sector, I am going to try to study it in its education system and apply aspects that are relevant to our context. As a participant in this program, I am able to further improve my skills and learn Turkish techniques in the placement of buildings. I think that conducting classes in English will help me to share my experience with engineers from all over the world. The second reason is that Uzbeks and Turks have a very similar culture, language and religion. And that’s why I think that when I am studying in Turkey, the cultural shock will not bother me and will not interfere with my studies. I don't think learning Turkish is a problem for me either
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a country called Uzbekistan. From my childhood I was always dissatisfied with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
results
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I grew up among adults,
even though
I was ahead of my peers. My relatives and family members have been almost builders,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I grew up among smart and experienced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who in this field from a young age. I have spent my summer vacations among them,
that is
, on construction sites. I tried to be with the project managers in those days.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
was eager to participate in the discussions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the necessary information and express my opinion. After I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experience and understanding in this field, I began to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the shortcomings of this industry on a national scale. I
was involved
in the construction of a school, kindergarten and several shops.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of this was an experience for me,
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
seemed contradictory and stupid to the information I was looking for in the social media.

I have become accustomed to
easily
finding the flaws of buildings that
Possible agreement error. The noun envy seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much envy", "a good deal of envy".
many envy
look at. Taking our capital Tashkent as an example,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
it has a population of about 3 million. Located in a large area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
having problems which depend on housing is growing. There are
also
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
immigrants to the city. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
cannot provide housing for everyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
Istanbul is home to 15. 7 million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and it is the largest city in Europe.
Naturally
,
of course
, it depends on the city engineers.

I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the main shortcoming of Uzbekistan is the lack of specialists. I would like to explore the strategies and mechanisms that Turkey has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to address this issue.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
will attain it joining the “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Turkiye
Possible spelling mistake found.
burslari
”.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
believe that education is a key factor in solving this problem. There are several reasons why I choose Turkey:

As Turkey has been successful in this sector, I am going to try to study it in its education system and apply aspects that are relevant to our context. As a participant in this program, I am able to
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and learn Turkish techniques in the placement of buildings. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that conducting classes in English will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me to share my experience with engineers from all over the world.

The second reason is that Uzbeks and Turks have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
similar culture, language and religion. And that’s why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that when I am studying in Turkey, the cultural shock will not bother me and will not interfere with my studies. I don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
learning Turkish is a problem for me
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
either
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IELTS essay Describe your experiences, future plans and why did you choose Turkey?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
431 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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