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More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons of this? What are solutions?

An increasing number of individuals are use drinks with a large of sugar. This essay will have some reasons and possible solutions. Firstly, the cause why a share of member of society drinks a sugar- based drinks is taste. The sugar is sweet, so drinks with sweet taste is popular. An increasing number of popular drinks is selling in store in every market or store. In addition people tend to choose sweet drinks than only water. If drinking water encourage for everyone, the part of people who use sweet water will decrease. So, the first possible solution of this problem can be to do popular drinking water and do its cost very cheap. Secondly the next cause tend to be a significant number of choice. For example, it was reported in 2019 in Tengrinews that 90% of students who was studied in №146 school choose water when a choice was minimum. Drinking water is very important, So sell only water will minimize number of students who drink sugar-based drinks. The second possible solution is to sell only water in large of schools and universities and organize lecture about disadvantages and the risks of drinking a big portion of sweet drinks. In conclusion, reason of growing number of people are drinking sweet drinks are taste and a large of choice in the store. People likely to choose sugar- based drinks, because they are sweet and have a lot of variation. So possible solutions can be to encourage people to buy water with cheap cost and sell only water in most places where children and students have education.
An increasing
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number
of individuals are
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use
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drinks
with a large of
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sugar
. This essay will have
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some
reasons and
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possible
solutions.

Firstly
, the cause why a share of member of society
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drinks
a
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sugar-
based
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drinks
is taste. The
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sugar
is
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sweet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
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drinks
with
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sweet
taste is popular. An increasing
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number
of popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
is selling in store in every market or store. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
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people
tend to choose
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sweet
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drinks
than
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only
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water
. If
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drinking
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water
encourage for everyone, the part of
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people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
will decrease.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
first
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possible
solution of this problem can be to do popular
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drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
and do its cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
.

Secondly
the
next
cause tend to be a significant
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number
of choice.
For example
, it
was reported
in 2019 in
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Tengrinews
that 90% of students who
was studied
in №146 school choose
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water
when a choice was minimum.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is
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very
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important
,
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So
sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
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water
will minimize
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number
of students who
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drink
sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
. The second
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possible
solution is to sell
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only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in large of schools and universities and organize lecture about disadvantages and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of
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drinking
a
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big
portion of
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sweet
drinks.

In conclusion
, reason of growing
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number
of
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people
are
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drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
are taste and a large of choice in the store.
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People
likely to choose
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sugar-
based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
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sweet
and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
variation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
solutions can be to encourage
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people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
cost and sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in most places where children and students have education.
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IELTS essay More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons of this? What are solutions?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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