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Modern technology is now very common in most work places. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much ontechnology? v.2

Modern technology is now very common in most work places. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much ontechnology? v. 2
Some people think that children aged four should be sent to school while others believe that the most suitable age is seven or eight. I completely disagree with the former view, however, I agree with the latter and I believe that seven or eight is the best age for children to go to school. Four years old children are too young and sending them to school would be a challenge. Firstly, they do not have the required skills to be in school, since a lot of children at this age lack focus and find it difficult to communicate with others effectively. For instance, they might find it quite daunting to comprehend complicated subjects such as mathematics or science. Secondly, young children need time to play and discover the world instead of being locked up in schools to study. They might not tolerate academic pressure since they cannot handle stress at this point in their lives. On the other hand, older children are capable of going to school and even excel at studying. At this age, their brains are ready to understand school subjects and communicate their ideas efficiently with their teachers and peers. Furthermore, since they have spent their early childhood years without stress and worries, they are eager to start their formal education and are more likely to do well academically than their counterparts who started their education at four. To conclude, children aged four are still too young to go to school and it would be unfair to ruin their childhood by forcing them to study hard while they should be enjoying their lives. However, seven or eight years old children have developed the required skills to excel academically and are ready to start their education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aged four should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
while others believe that the most suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is seven or eight. I completely disagree with the former view,
however
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter and I believe that seven or eight is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to go to school.

Four years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are too young and sending them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
would be a challenge.
Firstly
, they do not have the required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to be in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
lack focus and find it difficult to communicate with others
effectively
.
For instance
, they might find it quite daunting to comprehend complicated subjects such as mathematics or science.
Secondly
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need time to play and discover the world
instead
of
being locked
up in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to study. They might not tolerate academic pressure since they cannot handle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
at this point in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the other hand
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are capable of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and even excel at studying. At this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, their brains are ready to understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
subjects and communicate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
efficiently
with their teachers and peers.
Furthermore
, since they have spent their early childhood years without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and worries, they are eager to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their formal education and are more likely to do well
academically
than their counterparts who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their education at four.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aged four are
still
too young to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and it would be unfair to ruin their childhood by forcing them to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
while they should be enjoying their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, seven or eight years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have developed the required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to excel
academically
and are ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their education.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Modern technology is now very common in most work places. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much ontechnology? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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