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New household appliances have resulted in more free time for women and have enabled them to both work and run a home with dependent children What are the advantages for a family when the mother works Do you think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages v.1

New household appliances have resulted in more free time for women and have enabled them to both work and run a home with dependent children What are the advantages for a family when the mother works Do you think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages v. 1
In the recent era, earning a handsome yearly package is the dream of many across the globe. Some folks opine that it is better for a nation, if the least number of people in top positions earn a handsome monthly salary, however, other assert that giving unnecessary huge salary is not good for nation growth and it should be reduced. In this essay, I will discuss both the perspectives before forming an opinion. To begin with, in the developing nations, where the majority of people belong to middle or low income, it has become the dream of a myriad of masses to live a luxury lifestyle and fulfil their dreams and to accomplish this dream they go through years of rigorous study and numerous competitive examination to finally get to bureaucrats positions offering them huge salaries. Furthermore, they carry the huge burden on their shoulder and form policies which plays an important role in shaping the future of the nation. To add further, they pay more taxes to the government, which in turn aid the authorities. For example, in a recent survey, it has been observed that it is the bureaucrats who paid more taxes to the government and contributes towards country's economic growth. On the other hand, the opponents of high pay thinks that it is the middle or low income who is doing the majority of work in government offices and smooth functioning of day to day business than those sitting in luxury offices and forming policies, but, despite all these efforts, they are not getting enough salaries. So they are of the opinion that the salaries of presidents, vice presidents and directors should be reduced to make way for others. To conclude, I think, people posted at top level positions play an imperative role in the overall growth of the country and thus, are the best candidates for getting huge income otherwise they get attracted towards oversees opportunities.
In the recent era, earning a handsome yearly package is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
across the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
folks opine that it is better for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, if the least number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in top positions earn a handsome monthly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
,
however
, other assert that giving unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
growth and it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. In this essay, I will discuss both the perspectives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
forming an opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, where the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
belong to middle or low income, it has become the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
of a myriad of masses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a luxury lifestyle and fulfil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
and to accomplish this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
they go through years of rigorous study and numerous competitive examination to
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to bureaucrats positions offering them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
Furthermore
, they carry the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
burden on their shoulder and form policies which plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in shaping the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
further
, they pay more taxes to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, which in turn aid the authorities.
For example
, in a recent survey, it has
been observed
that it is the bureaucrats who paid more taxes to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and contributes towards country's economic growth.

On the other hand
, the opponents of high pay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that it is the middle or low income who is doing the majority of work in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
offices and smooth functioning of day to day business than those sitting in luxury offices and forming policies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, despite all these efforts, they are not getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they are of the opinion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
of presidents, vice presidents and directors should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
way for others.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
posted at
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top level
positions play an imperative role in the
overall
growth of the country and
thus
, are the best candidates for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
income
otherwise
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted towards oversees opportunities.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay New household appliances have resulted in more free time for women and have enabled them to both work and run a home with dependent children What are the advantages for a family when the mother works Do you think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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