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: More and more people are seriously overweight. Some people suggest the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

: More and more people are seriously overweight. Some people suggest the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. pbDg3
Nowadays, the rate of people that are gaining extra weight is one of the most major issues in each country. To a certain extent I agree that in order to tackle this problem government should increase the costs of junk food. However, I also think that increasing the price of these foods cannot be the solution to the problem. Governments have been advised by experts to extra-tax fattening foods so the prices could be less attractive for the consumers. Products that contain sugar such as soft drinks, buns, chips, candies, ice-creams and others play a crucial role in fattening diets. Once these products are more expensive, more money could be collected to fund health services and then minimize the effects of obesity in society, because junk food is considered to be the one of the cheapest foods, so when they are expensive less individuals will buy it. Adversely, there are other considerable solutions too in order to deal with overweightness, because people are becoming fat not only due to foods. During the pandemic countries have restricted people to go outside unintentionally, but many people misunderstood the rule and totally stopped even doing physical exercises, as a result, people have gained excessive weight. First of all, in order to prevent the situation government should pay more attention on creating gyms and sport centers that do not cost too much because there are families who cannot afford. Secondly, the media should do more TV shows that are related to health, about nutritional foods, and every morning they should show exercises in that case people who cannot go to the sport centers can watch a TV and do physical activities on their own. For the reasons mentioned above, I believe that to prevent obesity they should put higher prices on junk foods as they contain fattening chemicals. Furthermore, other ways like building sport centers and health TV programs should be considered too.
Nowadays, the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are gaining extra weight is one of the most major issues in each country. To a certain extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that in order to tackle this problem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should increase the costs of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
However
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that increasing the price of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
cannot be the solution to the problem.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
have
been advised
by experts to extra-tax fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the prices could be less attractive for the consumers. Products that contain sugar such as soft drinks, buns, chips, candies, ice-creams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
play a crucial role in fattening diets. Once these products are more expensive, more money could
be collected
to fund health services and then minimize the effects of obesity in society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is considered
to be the one of the cheapest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when they are expensive
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun individuals is countable.
less
individuals will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it.

Adversely
, there are other considerable solutions too in order to deal with
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweightness
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. During the pandemic countries have restricted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go outside
unintentionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
misunderstood the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
and
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
even doing physical exercises,
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have gained excessive weight.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should pay more attention on creating gyms and sport centers that do not cost too much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are families who cannot afford.
Secondly
, the media should do more TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
are related
to health, about nutritional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, and every morning they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
exercises
in that case
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot go to the sport centers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a TV and do physical activities on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

For the reasons mentioned above, I believe that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
obesity they should put higher prices on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
as they contain fattening chemicals.
Furthermore
, other ways like building sport centers and health TV programs should
be considered
too.
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IELTS essay : More and more people are seriously overweight. Some people suggest the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • : More and more people are seriously overweight. Some people suggest the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?