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more and more people are moving away to their hometown to relocated to other countries inorder to look for work?

more and more people are moving away to their hometown to relocated to other countries inorder to look for work? 1AR1N
Nowadays, many people have a tendency to move away from their hometown to relocate to other countries. A growing number of individuals from developing countries are settling into developed countries to find better employment opportunities. This trend has several negative influences on both developed and developing countries and needs measures to be tackled. To begin with, since a number of people move to the developed countries which contain a lot of job opportunities, the number of vehicles which cause the traffic jams and the house crisis is increasing rapidly. Besides, plenty of environmental pollution problems and the shortage of food are also hot issues that many governments are finding ways to deal with. Overpopulation also brings many drawbacks to developing countries. The lack of quality labor sources is one of the concerns that lots of states in developing countries are facing off. For instance, in recent years, many youngsters have decided to study abroad and then migrated there after university graduation to get well-paid jobs which facilitate their ability to develop and to be shown up. Due to this trend of young people, a number of developing countries are facing the fall of labor source and the population aging. Therefore, the lack of talent would make them become hard and harder to come up with the developed countries. Although It seems a difficult task, there would be various steps that could be taken to solve these obstacles. The developing countries should pay more attention to the education systems for students. The colleges and universities should create a diversity of specialized courses which help their students have more fielded knowledge and practical experiences to get more work occasion. The power also has the responsibility to create convenient working conditions and provide great social services for employees. For instance, many companies nowadays have good selfdoms for their workers such as holiday time, overtime work payment or financial support for the retired time. In conclusion, although a lot of people hold in their mind that migrating to oversea help them get more employment occasion as a piece of cake and have a better life. However, there would be lots of potential disadvantages and the government’s schemes should be implemented to solve them.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
away from their hometown to relocate to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. A growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of individuals from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are settling into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to find better employment opportunities. This trend has several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and needs measures to
be tackled
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, since a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which contain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of job opportunities, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of vehicles which cause the traffic jams and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
crisis is increasing
rapidly
.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of environmental pollution problems and the shortage of food are
also
hot issues that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are finding ways to deal with. Overpopulation
also
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The lack of quality labor sources is one of the concerns that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of states in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are facing off.
For instance
, in recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters have decided to study abroad and then migrated there after university graduation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well-paid jobs which facilitate their ability to develop and to
be shown
up. Due to this trend of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are facing the fall of labor source and the population aging.
Therefore
, the lack of talent would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and harder to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
countries.

Although It seems a difficult task, there would be various steps that could
be taken
to solve these obstacles. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should pay more attention to the education systems for students. The colleges and universities should create a diversity of specialized courses which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their students have more fielded knowledge and practical experiences to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more work occasion.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
power
also
has the responsibility to create convenient working conditions and provide great social services for employees.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
nowadays have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
selfdoms
for their workers such as holiday time, overtime work payment or financial support for the retired time.

In conclusion
, although a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold in their mind that migrating to oversea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more employment occasion as a piece of cake and have a better life.
However
, there would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of potential disadvantages and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s schemes should
be implemented
to solve them.
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IELTS essay more and more people are moving away to their hometown to relocated to other countries inorder to look for work?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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