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The movement of people from the countryside into the cities is happening in many parts of the world, resulting in the problems, especially in cities. What are the causes of this movement, and how can it be reversed

The movement of people from the countryside into the cities is happening in many parts of the world, resulting in the problems, especially in cities. What are the causes of this movement, and how can it be reversed Gg5w
The current issue in terms of urbanisation is concerned by many people over the world today. This movement activity come with its problems in urban areas inevitably. The opportunity as well as the basic facility and infrastructur, which are not equaled between rural and urban areas, can be the main reasons of this trend. With an eye to tackle this problem, all parties should take a part to create the equality in both places. Regarding the causes, firstly, it is undeniable that better job and career progression can be found effortlessly in the big cities. This happens as industries, financial institution, and even entertainment in which people are able to work are mostly located in the urban areas. Thus, even though individuals from countryside should be seperated from their family for working, it still becomes the fruitful option as they will obtain higher salary and honor to be proud of. secondly, outstanding-quality school and appropriate healthcare can only be existing in the big cities. Turning to possible solution, the development of countryside is the most viable solution. Only after rural areas offer the greater chance, will resident in that places decide to settle down without any urge to move. Another consideration is providing better education and health facility, which are playing the important rule as basic needs of human being. With this incredible solution, most local people, prioritizing quality of life, will have no reason to move from the rural areas. Not only they have gotten better quality of environtment by living in rural areas, but they also will not required to visit the cities for the sake of education and health. To sum up, better chance and facility are considered by individuals to settle down in the cities. While this trend is increasing, to stop and reserve this trend can be forced by the improvement of facility and opportunity in the countryside.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
issue in terms of
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
is concerned
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
over the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. This movement activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with its problems in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
inevitably
. The opportunity
as well
as the basic facility and
Possible spelling mistake found.
infrastructur
, which are not equaled between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
and urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, can be the main reasons of this trend. With an eye to tackle this problem, all parties should take a part to create the equality in both places.

Regarding the causes,
firstly
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job and career progression can
be found
effortlessly
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities. This happens as industries, financial institution, and even entertainment in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to work are
mostly
located in the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Thus
,
even though
individuals from countryside should be
Possible spelling mistake found.
seperated
from their family for working, it
still
becomes the fruitful option as they will obtain higher salary and honor to be proud of.
secondly
, outstanding-quality school and appropriate healthcare can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be existing in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities.

Turning to possible solution, the development of countryside is the most viable solution.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
offer the greater chance, will resident in that places decide to settle down without any urge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
. Another consideration is providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
education and health facility, which are playing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
as basic needs of human being. With this incredible solution, most local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, prioritizing quality of life, will have no reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they have gotten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
quality of
Possible spelling mistake found.
environtment
by living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
will not required to visit the cities for the sake of education and health.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
chance and facility
are considered
by individuals to settle down in the cities. While this trend is increasing, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
and reserve this trend can
be forced
by the improvement of facility and opportunity in the countryside.
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IELTS essay The movement of people from the countryside into the cities is happening in many parts of the world, resulting in the problems, especially in cities. What are the causes of this movement, and how can it be reversed

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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