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Describe the most efficient transportation in your country. Please state your reason and include specific examples and details in your explanation. v.2

Describe the most efficient transportation in your country. Please state your reason and include specific examples and details in your explanation. v. 2
Around the globe, diseases regarding malnutrition have increased notably in the last decades because of wrong eating habits. In my opinion, it is the government who should implement measures to improve citizens health and one possibility could be certainly by increasing the taxes on fast food. On a medical standpoint, eating salty, fried, artificially sweetened and coloured food can cause several illnesses like high blood pressure, overweight and obesity, hormonal disorders, digestive diseases and even cancer. Fast food is not only easily bought in every market or restaurant in town, but is also inexpensive and practical to eat. These features of fast food are the reasons why many people choose to eat junk food while they are at work and even buy this for their children. It is very important that people in healthcare, and by this I mean not only doctors, but especially the government, apply measures to improve people nutritional aspects. One way of achieving this could be applied and higher taxes for every product that does not achieve specific healthy goals like low salt, low fat, organic and no sugar added. Another measure taken could be to improve education around nutritional aspects at kindergarten, school and work environments. By doing this, people could understand the consequences of eating artificial meals in contrast to homemade food and change their poor nutritional habits. In conclusion, it is the government responsibility to improve our well-being in every aspect in which health is understood. Preventing diseases related to bad eating habits are an essential goal and should be achieved by making more difficult to buy these products in the first place.
Around the globe, diseases regarding malnutrition have increased
notably
in the last decades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits. In my opinion, it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
who should implement measures to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
citizens health and one possibility could be
certainly
by increasing the taxes on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food.

On a medical standpoint,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
salty, fried,
artificially
sweetened and
Possible spelling mistake. 'coloured' is British English.
coloured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can cause several illnesses like high blood pressure, overweight and obesity, hormonal disorders, digestive diseases and even cancer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
in every market or restaurant in town,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is
also
inexpensive and practical to eat. These features of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are the reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to eat junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
while they are at work and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
this for their children.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in healthcare, and by this I mean not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
doctors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
especially
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, apply measures to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nutritional aspects. One way of achieving this could
be applied
and higher taxes for every product that does not achieve specific healthy goals like low salt, low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, organic and no sugar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
. Another measure taken could be to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
education around nutritional aspects at kindergarten, school and work environments. By doing this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could understand the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
artificial meals
in contrast
to homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their poor nutritional habits.

In conclusion
, it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our well-being in every aspect in which health
is understood
. Preventing diseases related to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits are an essential goal and should
be achieved
by making more difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these products in the
first
place.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe the most efficient transportation in your country. Please state your reason and include specific examples and details in your explanation. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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