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More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people have suggested that governments should increase the cost of unhealthy foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people have suggested that governments should increase the cost of unhealthy foods. OlkjM
In the last few years, overweight and obesity are keep rising and these problems are becoming serious. Although, some individuals say that government should add extra cost in unhygienic or junk foods. However, I disagree with the given statement. My inclination is justified in the following paragraphs. To begin with, it is true that due to convenience food people are facing many health disease. Firstly, the rising price of fast food is not solution. For instance, if government will be increase price of junk food. Thus, it will no effect on rich people they can easily purchase because they have money to buy as well as they are addicted to fast food. Secondly, the poor people who live at footpath or roadside they basically depends on convenience food because they can not afford healthy vegetables, the reason is high price. According to time of India survey in India 69% of poor people prefer fast food because of their cheaper price especially in street market. Furthermore, today, there are number of factors can play role in weight gain and some of these includes metabolic rate and lack of exercise. More people especially children eat high calorie food such as chocolate and other sweet items. Although, chocolates contains decent amount of calories, sugar and fat. Therefore, which can help improve blood flow to the brain and have cardio-pratective benefit for heart disease patients. By increasing the price of this product, the lower income families could not afford and enjoy the benefits from this food. In conclusion, to mitigate the problem human-kind should follow healthy eating habits, regular exercise. Last but not least, people should go gym for maintaining their health and so on. This are some solutions to decrease the issues rather than increasing cost of fast food.
In the last few years, overweight and obesity are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
rising and these problems are becoming serious. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
extra cost in unhygienic or junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
However
, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement. My inclination
is justified
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is true that due to convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing
Possible agreement error. The noun health seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much health", "a good deal of health".
many health
disease.
Firstly
, the rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not solution.
For instance
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will be increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Thus
, it will no effect on rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
as well
as they
are addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Secondly
, the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
at footpath or roadside they
basically
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "depend"
depends
on convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can not afford healthy vegetables, the reason is high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
. According to time of India survey in India 69% of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their cheaper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
especially
in street market.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, there are number of factors can play role in weight gain and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these includes metabolic rate and lack of exercise. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
children eat high calorie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as chocolate and other sweet items. Although, chocolates contains decent amount of calories, sugar and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
Therefore
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
blood flow to the brain and have
Possible spelling mistake found.
cardio-pratective
benefit for heart disease patients. By increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of this product, the lower income families could not afford and enjoy the benefits from this food.

In conclusion
, to mitigate the problem human-kind should follow healthy eating habits, regular exercise. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should go gym for maintaining their health and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
The verb 'are' is plural. Did you mean "these are", "This is" or "This was"?
This are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to decrease the issues
rather
than increasing cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
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IELTS essay More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people have suggested that governments should increase the cost of unhealthy foods.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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