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Nowadays mobile phones and the Internet became a very common aspect of socializing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

Nowadays mobile phones and the Internet became a very common aspect of socializing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? Give your opinion and relevant examples. OlkqM
These days, no one can deny that the development of technology such as mobile phones and the Internet has significantly improved the life more than in the past. In my essay, I will mention the advantages and disadvantages of this issue before drawing the conclusion. On the one hand, there are some benefits as follows. First and foremost, it makes the developing world become faster and more convenient. That means people can communicate with others at anytime and anywhere through the video calling or text massages if they have a mobile phone connected to the Internet. Therefore, it is a piece of cake to keep in touch with friends and family no matter how far apart they are. Moreover, students can attend e-learning courses especially in COVID 19 pandemic. Second, it enables them to search for countless valuable information and materials that are useful for our daily work or studies. For example, when learning English, students have various online sources of listening, writing, reading and speaking to train. It also helps people get the latest as well as burning news of the day in every corner of the world. Finally, it is a good source of entertainment. We can listen to music, enjoy movies or play some games after a hard-working day. On the other hand, there are some problems related to it. The first is that we now depend too much on mobile phones and the Internet. In other words, users are easily addicted to surfing various webs, which distracts them from their work and studies. However, the number of people using mobile phone and the Internet has been increasing dramatically. Another is that people become more introverted. In other words, their real life is in a virtual world where they find easier to show their emotion. Consequently, their lack of communication skills and insensitivity towards the feelings of others become realities. Last but not least, it causes different health problems because they waste too much time on the Internet. As a result, people especially children are at higher risk of obesity, short-sightedness, … compared with many years ago. In short, everything has two sides, and this issue is not exception. Personally, I think that the positives outweigh the negatives as long as people use mobile phones and the Internet moderately.
These days, no one can deny that the development of technology such as mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the Internet has
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the life more than in the past. In my essay, I will mention the advantages and disadvantages of this issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing the conclusion.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits as follows.
First
and foremost, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the developing world become faster and more convenient. That means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can communicate with others at anytime and anywhere through the video calling or text
Did you mean "messages"?
massages
if they have a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
connected to the Internet.
Therefore
, it is a piece of cake to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with friends and family no matter how far apart they are.
Moreover
, students can attend e-learning courses
especially
in
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
COVID 19
pandemic. Second, it enables them to search for countless valuable information and materials that are useful for our daily work or studies.
For example
, when learning English, students have various online sources of listening, writing, reading and speaking to train. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the latest
as well
as burning news of the day in every corner of the world.
Finally
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source of entertainment. We can listen to music, enjoy movies or play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
games after a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working day.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems related to it. The
first
is that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
depend too much on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the Internet. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, users are
easily
addicted to surfing various webs, which distracts them from their work and studies.
However
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and the Internet has been increasing
dramatically
. Another is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more introverted. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, their real life is in a virtual world where they find easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their emotion.
Consequently
, their lack of communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and insensitivity towards the feelings of others become realities. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, it causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
health problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they waste too much time on the Internet.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
children are at higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of obesity,
Possible spelling mistake found.
short-sightedness
, … compared with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ago.

In short, everything has two sides, and this issue is not exception.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the positives outweigh the negatives as long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the Internet
moderately
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays mobile phones and the Internet became a very common aspect of socializing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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