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More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. What are the reasons? How should it be tackled?

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. What are the reasons? How should it be tackled? APDeM
There are many reasons why more and more people become seriously overweight: First, there are more and more modern means of transportation such as motorbikes, cars, and electric cars to help people save time, which makes people not use bicycles and walk, so people are less active. Second, nowadays people have a lot of work, so people often go to buy fast food instead of cooking at home. Moreover, fast food is not healthy, it is high in fat, high in calories and lacking many nutrients. Especially, today's young people often do not pay attention to their health, they often eat a lot of fast food, less vegetables and use a lot of sweets. In addition, people often use food to reduce stress such as eating candy, sweets, this is not good for health. Third, people are exercising less and less and instead spending time using social networks, or people do not exercise because there is no time when people have to spend time going to work all day. Solution There are many solution to solve the problem that more and more people become seriously overweight First, the government needs to raise taxes on unhealthy sweets, fast food and unhealthy street food stalls. However, this is not the best solution because the price of fast food increases, people can still spend money to buy to satisfy their cravings. In addition, the government needs to regularly organize activities to spread the message of health love to everyone. Second, people should build healthy eating habits and exercise regularly, which will help everyone's health better. Third, companies should focus on taking care of employees' health. For example, there is a gym for employees, cooking nutritious lunches for employees, . . .
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
seriously
overweight:

First
, there are more and more modern means of transportation such as motorbikes, cars, and electric cars to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
save
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time
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
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people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
bicycles and walk,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
active. Second, nowadays
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people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
go to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of cooking at home.
Moreover
,
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not healthy, it is high in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, high in calories and lacking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nutrients.
Especially
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
do not pay attention to their
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health
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun vegetables is countable.
less
vegetables and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
sweets.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
such as eating candy, sweets, this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Third,
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people
are exercising
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less
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
and
instead
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
using social networks, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
going to work all day.

Solution

There are
Possible agreement error. The noun solution seems to be countable; consider using: "many solutions".
many solution
to solve the problem that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
seriously
overweight

First
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to raise taxes on unhealthy sweets,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and unhealthy street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
stalls.
However
, this is not the best solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
increases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
still
spend money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
to satisfy their cravings.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to
regularly
organize activities to spread the message of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to everyone. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should build healthy eating habits and exercise
regularly
, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
everyone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
better. Third,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should focus on taking care of employees'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For example
, there is a gym for employees, cooking nutritious lunches for employees
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS essay More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. What are the reasons? How should it be tackled?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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