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There is a good deal of evidences that increasing car using is contributing to global warming and having other undesirable effects on people's health and well-being. What can be done to discourage people from using their cars? ? v.1

There is a good deal of evidences that increasing car using is contributing to global warming and having other undesirable effects on people's health and well-being. What can be done to discourage people from using their cars? ? v. 1
The drawbacks of cars are waxing gradually. A host of sources indicates that several corporeal hazards as well as environmental challenges are embarked on by car. I believe, making stringent laws, arranging seminars, campaigning and distributing handbills can be the prime methods to daunt individuals to reduce the consumption of cars. Firstly, the government can play a pivotal role to discourage driving cars by enacting some substantial laws with austere punishments. The laws can be that if a person runs car more than 8 hours in a day, he will be fined or imprisoned. As a result, people will dwindle driving cars deliberately. Secondly, various public conferences can be inaugurated by some well-known ecologists to make individuals comprehend the deadly effects of car consuming. Therefore, they will have the sense of well-being to forbear themselves from running cars. For instance, reports demonstrated, when the government of Brazil noticed unprecedented deterioration of people's health caused by cars' carbon emission, the government applied a number of stern laws to decline the consumption of cars using. Furthermore, the sociologists and scientists began to call some open seminars for car drivers so that they can be unmotivated about cars. However, the next step may be to provide some posters which will consist of the casualty of car's produced problems. Afterwards, whenever people will read the handbills, they will feel significant why we should minimize or avoid cars. Finally, students can campaign countrywide regarding cars' related perils. They can visit several parts of their country and campaign, which will lead ordinary people to understand. For example, the ruler of Brazil ordered students and police officials to make people remain cautious and to distribute papers, journals about atmospheric inconveniences initiated by cars. To conclude, as cars driving has a multiplicity of difficulties, so people should be disheartened to consume. So, the mentioned actions will be effective to discourage individuals to drive cars.
The drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are waxing
gradually
. A host of sources indicates that several corporeal hazards
as well
as environmental challenges
are embarked
on by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. I believe, making stringent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
, arranging seminars, campaigning and distributing handbills can be the prime methods to daunt individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the consumption of cars.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can play a pivotal role to discourage driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
by enacting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
substantial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
with austere punishments. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
can be that if a person runs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
more than 8 hours in a day, he will
be fined
or imprisoned.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will dwindle driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
deliberately
.
Secondly
, various public conferences can
be inaugurated
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
well-known ecologists to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
individuals comprehend the deadly effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
consuming.
Therefore
, they will have the sense of well-being to forbear themselves from running
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
For instance
, reports demonstrated, when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Brazil noticed unprecedented deterioration of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health caused by cars' carbon emission, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
applied a number of stern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
to decline the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
using.
Furthermore
, the sociologists and scientists began to call
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
open seminars for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
drivers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
be unmotivated
about cars.

However
, the
next
step may be to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
posters which will consist of the casualty of
Consider using the plural form here: "cars".
car's
produced problems. Afterwards, whenever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will read the handbills, they will feel significant why we should minimize or avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
Finally
, students can campaign countrywide regarding cars' related perils. They can visit several parts of their country and campaign, which will lead ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to understand.
For example
, the ruler of Brazil ordered students and police officials to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
remain cautious and to distribute papers, journals about atmospheric inconveniences initiated by cars.

To conclude
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
driving has a multiplicity of difficulties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be disheartened
to consume.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the mentioned actions will be effective to discourage individuals to drive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay There is a good deal of evidences that increasing car using is contributing to global warming and having other undesirable effects on people's health and well-being. What can be done to discourage people from using their cars? ? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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