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money spent on different sections

money spent on different sections NljXy
The given table illustrates the percentages of items consumed in 5 different countries in 2002. Overall view, Food, drinks, and tobacco occupy the highest percentages of items consumed in 2002, in all countries. Turkey is considered the highest country consuming water, food, and tobacco with a score of 30 percent, followed by Ireland, Spain, Italy, and Sweden with a score of 28, 17, 16, and 9 percent respectively. However that spent on clothing, and footwear is the highest in Italy with a percentage of 9, followed by Italy, Ireland, and Turkey with a score approximately 6. 5 percent, and Sweden with the least score o 5 percent. On the contrary Turkey scores the highest percentage on leisure, and education with a score of 4 percent, followed by Italy, and, Spain with a score of 3, and finally Sweden, and Ireland with a score of 2 percent. Turkey occupies the first rank among other countries in affording daily needs, and education, however in the case of clothing, and expenditure, Italy scored the highest.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table illustrates the
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percentages
of items consumed in 5
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries in 2002.
Overall
view, Food, drinks, and tobacco occupy the highest
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percentages
of items consumed in 2002, in all countries.

Turkey
is considered
the highest country consuming water, food, and tobacco with a
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score
of 30
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percent
, followed by Ireland, Spain, Italy, and Sweden with a
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score
of 28, 17, 16, and 9
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percent
respectively
.
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However
that spent on clothing, and footwear is the highest in Italy with a
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percentage
of 9, followed by Italy, Ireland, and Turkey with a
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score
approximately 6. 5
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percent
, and Sweden with the least
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score
o 5
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percent
.
On the contrary
Turkey
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scores
the highest
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percentage
on leisure, and education with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
of 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
, followed by Italy, and, Spain with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
of 3, and
finally
Sweden, and Ireland with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
of 2 percent.

Turkey occupies the
first
rank among other countries in affording daily needs, and education,
however
in the case of clothing, and expenditure, Italy scored the highest.
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IELTS essay money spent on different sections

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
172 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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