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The tendency of human beings to copy one another in some areas like fashion and consumer goods. To what extant do you agree or disagree!?

The tendency of human beings to copy one another in some areas like fashion and consumer goods. To what extant ? 2Rm3j
While, it is common among individuals of society to follow others in terms of fashion and purchasing products. I agree with this statement and shall deduce some valid points of my opinion. To begin with, nowadays people want to show off their status towards others as it is modern era. For example, young people are following fashion of filmy stars, sportsman such as wearing style, living standard as they want to be and become famous like them. Additionally, masses are constantly faced pressure and stress and they would do things in order to feel belonged. In other words, they like to wear light clothes like short jeans, t-shirt. Sometime, if people put unusual clothes and different from normal clothes it looks like bad then they become targeting of jokes and amusement. So, in this case, they want to wear that clothes which are accepted by others. Apart from that, individual have a tendency to be jealous of among other people. For instance, a someone who had bought a latest model like smartphone and shown their friends and it looks like beautiful. But their friends had not such a model. They may jealous with others. In this situation they would also desire to purchase that kind of things. Hence, it has been became very common trend to follow others fashion. In conclusion, it is apparent from above discussion that individuals want to show their richness towards others and become renowned person same as stars. That is why they follow passion of other people.
While, it is common among individuals of society to follow others in terms of fashion and purchasing products. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and shall deduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valid points of my opinion. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off their status towards others as it
Please check whether an article is missing: "is a modern" or "is an modern"
is modern
era.
For example
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are following fashion of filmy stars, sportsman such as wearing style, living standard as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be and become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
like them.
Additionally
, masses are
constantly
faced pressure and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stress and
they would do things in order to feel belonged. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they like to wear light
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
like short jeans, t-shirt. Sometime, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put unusual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
it looks like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
then they become targeting of jokes and amusement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
in this case
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to wear that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by others. Apart from that, individual have a tendency to be jealous of among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
,
Possible typo. Did you mean "a" or "someone"?
a someone
who had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
latest model like smartphone and shown their friends and it looks like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
their friends had not such a model. They
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
may jealous
with others. In this situation they would
also
desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
that kind of things.
Hence
, it has been
Consider using a past participle here: "become".
became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common trend to follow others fashion.
In conclusion
, it is apparent from above discussion that individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their richness towards others and become renowned person same as stars.
That is
why they follow passion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay The tendency of human beings to copy one another in some areas like fashion and consumer goods. To what extant ?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
252 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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