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Money people spend a lot of money on hosting birthday parties, family functions, and other celebrations.

Money people spend a lot of money on hosting birthday parties, family functions, and other celebrations. gbjNa
As the development of the civilization, many people like to celebrate some occasions by spending a large amount of money. Wasting a large amount of money on the celebrations have advantages and also disadvantages. This essay will explain in both sides with suitable examples. There are a large amount of people who spend big money on celebrating several occasions like birthday parties and family functions. Firstly, celebrations make our lives more interesting. Additionally, these occasions are usually the only times for family members and friends to have time and enjoy together. The main advantage of hosting celebrations is that these celebrations can enrich our social communication. The invitees who come to the parties include various levels. Consequently, we can learn experiences from those people. Moreover, the parties can leave remarkable memories. On the other hand, such kinds of events can be disadvantegous for the individuals as well as for the society. First of all, it can waste money and time. Spending huge amount of money on these celebrations is not a good idea for needed people. Money is not a good idea for needed people. Money is equal annual expenditure of a house hold. Consequently, they can face with shortage of money after the celebrations. Furthermore, parties can lead to unhealthy lifestyle. To conclude, although celebrations of events can generate precious memories and beneficial actions, on the other hand, these parties should be cut down and should be used in a better way.
As the development of the civilization,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to celebrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions by spending a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Wasting a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
have advantages and
also
disadvantages. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in both sides with suitable examples. There are a large
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on celebrating several occasions like birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
and family functions.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more interesting.
Additionally
, these occasions are
usually
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
times for family members and friends to have time and enjoy together. The main advantage of hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
can enrich our social communication. The invitees who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
include various levels.
Consequently
, we can learn experiences from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
remarkable memories.
On the other hand
, such kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
disadvantegous
for the individuals
as well
as for the society.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it can waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and time. Spending huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is equal annual expenditure of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
hold.
Consequently
, they can face with shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
can lead to unhealthy lifestyle.
To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
can generate precious memories and beneficial actions,
on the other hand
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in a better way.
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IELTS essay Money people spend a lot of money on hosting birthday parties, family functions, and other celebrations.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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