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Money is the single motivational factor for success in any work field. How far do you agree with this?

Money is the single motivational factor for success in any work field. How far do you agree with this? 8QAEV
Many people believe that in the work area money is the only significant thing which encourages the individual to do more hard work for achieving success. However, I believe that along with money there are many more factors that motivate the person to achieve great heights. To initiate with, the first and foremost factor is the passion of an individual that compels him to work. When a person has self-confidence in himself and has dedication towards his profession, none can beat him. Passion is that driving force that makes an individual to achieve milestones even if the salary is less in that field. For example, it's only the passion for sports especially in football of Christanio Ronaldo which makes him the great footballer of all time. Thus, inner force and the dream are the factors which push the person to the way of success Besides this, money is also the reason due to which people get motivated for success because it has the power to fulfill all the secondary dreams. One cannot try to work hard to move level up unless any extra money is being provided. When the person has money in his hands, he is able to buy all the materialistic things from the market. For instance, a recent survey in Japan has shown that 53% of the people work in the corporate sector due to its high salary packages rather than their interests. In this way, money also serves as a driving force to encourage a person for success. Conclusively, along with money, there are other leading factors also which makes the people more motivated to perform better in their respective work arenas.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
area
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
significant thing which encourages the individual to do more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for achieving success.
However
, I believe that along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that motivate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to achieve great heights.

To initiate with, the
first
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
is the passion of an individual that compels him to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has self-confidence in himself and has dedication towards his profession, none can beat him. Passion is that driving force that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an individual to achieve milestones even if the salary is less in that field.
For example
, it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the passion for sports
especially
in football of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Christanio
Ronaldo which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
him the great footballer of all time.
Thus
, inner force and the dream are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which push the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to the way of success

Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
also
the reason due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivated for success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has the power to fulfill all the secondary dreams. One cannot try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
level up unless any extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
being provided
. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in his hands, he is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all the materialistic things from the market.
For instance
, a recent survey in Japan has shown that 53% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the corporate sector due to its high salary packages
rather
than their interests. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
also
serves as a driving force to encourage a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
for success.

Conclusively
, along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, there are other leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
also
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more motivated to perform better in their respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
arenas.
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IELTS essay Money is the single motivational factor for success in any work field. How far do you agree with this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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