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The increased world demand for oil and gas has made it necessary for locating these sources in remote and untouched natural areas. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

The increased world demand for oil and gas has made it necessary for locating these sources in remote and untouched natural areas. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? m2mQL
Due to utilization of non-renewable sources of energy at large scale throughout the world, it becomes highly important to explore these fuels in distant areas. While there are few repercussions of drilling these resources at new locations, I assert that its outcomes are more likely to be positive. On the one hand, there are some adverse impacts of these efforts. Firstly, hunt of finding these resources poses a serious threat to the biodiversity by causing destruction of forests whereby habitats of certain species get destroyed and it even deteriorate the environment by the use of machinery which emits pollution. Another concern is regarding the cost of such endeavors as it requires millions of dollars to undertake these projects and this problem may become more intense if the mission becomes unsuccessful. Moreover, it can be a threat to nation’s security also as it is always the case that wealthy nations economy rely on these natural resources so they try to dominate these countries as we have already witnessed the case of Iran and Iraq which are constantly under the influence of United States of America. Also they always become the target of terrorist groups. On the other hand, there are more benefits associated with this phenomenon. First and foremost, it lead to overall development of the nation as there is always a need to connect that remote region to the rest of the country which will lead to construction of roads, railway tracks and better infrastructures like setting up of industries which will enhance the job opportunities too. Moreover, it will help to meet the oil demands as there will be more availability of this natural resource which not only bring down the price of this commodity as a result of increased supply but also prove to be vital by stabilizing the international fuel prices. In conclusion, no doubt there are few problems which can arise due to these efforts in search of fossil fuels, benefits are more dominating in terms of various aspects
Due to utilization of non-renewable sources of energy at large scale throughout the world,

it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to explore these fuels in distant areas. While there are few

repercussions of drilling these resources at new locations, I assert that its outcomes are

more likely to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse impacts of these efforts.
Firstly
, hunt of finding

these resources poses a serious threat to the biodiversity by causing destruction of forests

whereby habitats of certain species
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
and it even deteriorate the environment

by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of machinery which emits pollution. Another concern is regarding the cost of

such endeavors as it requires millions of dollars to undertake these projects and this

problem may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more intense if the mission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
unsuccessful.
Moreover
, it can

be a threat to nation’s security
also
as it is always the case that wealthy
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "nations'" or "nation's"?
nations
economy

rely on these natural resources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they try to dominate these countries as we have already

witnessed the case of Iran and Iraq which are
constantly
under the influence
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the United States".
of United States
of America.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the target of terrorist groups.

On the other hand
, there are more benefits associated with this phenomenon.
First
and

foremost, it
Did you mean "leads"?
lead
to
overall
development of the nation as there is always a need to

connect that remote region to the rest of the country which will lead to construction of

roads, railway
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
and better infrastructures like setting up of industries which will

enhance the job opportunities too.
Moreover
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the oil demands as there

will be more availability of this natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring down the price of this

commodity
as a result
of increased supply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
prove to be vital by stabilizing the

international fuel prices.

In conclusion
, no doubt there are few problems which can arise due to these efforts in

search of fossil fuels, benefits are more dominating in terms of various aspects
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IELTS essay The increased world demand for oil and gas has made it necessary for locating these sources in remote and untouched natural areas. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
332 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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