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money is important but social

money is important but social 5bANV
Although money plays a vital role in any business or organization, there are many other social aspects which are really important for business. I largely agree with the said notion. To commence with, why money is important for any business? The prominent one is that money needs to run a business properly. In other words, if any company makes good money then the benefit will go to the employer then the owner will invest more funds in the quality of products and do other improvements in the store. Moreover, the employer will give some bonus to their employees like salary increase, pay tips. Hence, money is a key source for a business. On the other hand, there are counts of social responsibilities which also matter for a company. Firstly, the reputation of the company is the first aspect that matters for society. To elaborate it, a business needs to make good relationship with their customers because customers will come back if they treat them well. Add to it, by providing good services like food service, customer service. Along with this, the business should also need to donate some funds for charity, environmental safety, and health care. For instance, in 2005, the government of India revealed that every business will need to donate 5% of the money for the development of the country. Therefore, social duties are necessary for a business. To recapitulate, money is essential for the growth of the company. However other social duties are equally important for a business like reputation in society, good relationships.
Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays a vital role in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
or organization, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
aspects which are
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. I
largely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the said notion.

To commence with, why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
? The prominent one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to run a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
properly
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, if any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
then the benefit will go to the employer then the owner will invest more funds in the quality of products and do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
improvements in the store.
Moreover
, the employer will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bonus to their employees like salary increase, pay tips.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a key source for a business.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are counts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibilities which
also
matter for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Firstly
, the reputation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is the
first
aspect that matters for society. To elaborate it, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relationship with their customers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
customers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back if they treat them well.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Add
to it, by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
services like food service, customer service. Along with this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
should
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to donate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
funds for charity, environmental safety, and health care.
For instance
, in 2005, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of India revealed that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to donate 5% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the development of the country.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
duties are necessary for a business.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is essential for the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
duties are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
like reputation in society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relationships.

IELTS essay money is important but social

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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