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money does not make happiness to what extent do you agree or disagree

money does not make happiness to what extent do you agree or disagree xO9Ng
In this world today, some people claim that having a huge income is not followed by being a happy person. From my viewpoint. by money the vast majority of impossibilities can be possible. However, there are numerous things that are not priceable. For instance, having a healthy and active body is not purchasable. especially being rich in a good quality of welfare if you don't have any rights 'freedom' can't create happiness. From past to the present, a society with vast amount of earning money is always needless of the Demands. They achieve what they dream for. A community believes that every tough problems are solvable if they are rich. For example, treatment of many rare diseases are costly. Finding an organ for who pays more is absolutely reachable. In addition, in my country essential imported medicines have on unacceptable expenditure, and so someone survives who provides it faster. Therefore, the life expectancy will dramatically increase for those people. On one hand indulgence in harmful routines can cause irreparable effects on life and also body situation. Excess in drinking of alcohol can destroyed the function of the liver easily. Yhis is why, it is not fixable even with all the moneys in the universe. On the other, hand having dollars without having any fair rights in life is not profitable. It is like, if we keep a wild and free animal in a spacious and luxurious cage with various amount of foods. importantly, regardless of freedom, that animal get a depression close to death feelings. In conclusion it is true that money is everything, but it's not always the case. Moreover, one day values become worderless. We should endeavour to find other directions of happiness in our life which we deserve it.
In this world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a huge income is not followed by being a happy person. From my viewpoint.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
the vast majority of impossibilities can be possible.
However
, there are numerous things that are not
Possible spelling mistake found.
priceable
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a healthy and active body is not purchasable.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
especially
being rich in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of welfare if you don't have any rights 'freedom' can't create happiness.

From past to the present, a society with vast amount of earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is always needless of the Demands. They achieve what they dream for. A community believes that every tough problems are solvable if they are rich.
For example
, treatment of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rare diseases are costly. Finding an organ for who pays more is
absolutely
reachable.
In addition
, in my country essential imported medicines have on unacceptable expenditure, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
someone survives who provides it faster.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy will
dramatically
increase for those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On one hand indulgence in harmful routines can cause irreparable effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
also
body situation. Excess in drinking of alcohol can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
the function of the liver
easily
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yhis
is why, it is not fixable even with all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moneys
in the universe. On the other, hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
dollars without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
rights in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not profitable. It is like, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a wild and free animal in a spacious and luxurious cage with various amount of foods.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
importantly
, regardless of freedom, that animal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a depression close to death feelings.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, it".
conclusion it
is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is everything,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it's not always the case.
Moreover
, one day values become
Possible spelling mistake found.
worderless
. We should
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to find other directions of happiness in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which we deserve it.
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IELTS essay money does not make happiness to what extent do you agree or disagree

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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