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money can bring happiness

money can bring happiness NmjQj
In a world, everybody always argue about money can bring happiness or not. People usually say ‘if you have money, you can buy everything’. However, in my opinion, money can buy many things but I disagree about money can bring happiness for three reasons. First, money cannot buy health. Nowadays, people want to make so much money so we use laptop or work too hard and don’t get enough relax or sleep and we will feel tired, exhausted and must go to hospital. At this time, maybe we must hospitalized, we can’t enjoin life, money do not make our heathy as well as happy. Therefore, money sometimes is not able to bring happiness. Second, money is not able to give us real relationship, real friends. When we have much money, we can go everywhere, meet, talk and add friends with so many people, but we cannot know who are friends. People, who follow, talk to us when we don’t have money, when we are very poor, do not care we have or no money are friends. Money cannot buy this relationship. Third, it cannot buy or change family love. I think family is very important to us, we cannot live if we don’t have love. Whether we have problems, not have money, house, jobs or so on, your parents, your wife or husband, your family are the same. They will help, take care of us. Ahead is future, behind is family, if you scared and horrified you can go home when you like. In short, although money is very useful with people, it can help their life is better but it can’t bring happiness if people are too concerned about it.
In a world, everybody always
The pronoun 'everybody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "argues", "argued".
argue
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
happiness or not.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
usually
say ‘if you have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
everything’.
However
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I disagree about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
happiness for three reasons.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
health. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
laptop or work too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
relax or
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sleep and
we will feel tired, exhausted and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
go to hospital. At this time, maybe we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
hospitalized, we can’t enjoin life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
Possible spelling mistake found.
heathy
as well
as happy.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
The adverb 'sometimes' usually goes after the verb 'is'.
sometimes is
not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
happiness.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not able to give us real relationship, real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. When we have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, we can go everywhere,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, talk and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we cannot know who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
, who follow, talk to us when we don’t have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, when we are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor, do not care we have or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
this relationship.

Third, it cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to us, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
if we don’t have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
. Whether we have problems, not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, jobs or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, your parents, your wife or husband, your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are the same. They will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, take care of us. Ahead is future, behind is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, if you scared and horrified you can go home when you like.

In short, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their life is better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
happiness if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are too concerned about it.
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IELTS essay money can bring happiness

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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