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In many counties,juvenile crimes are increasing at an alarming rate.What are the causes of this problem?What measures can be taken to reduce the rate of juvenile crimes?

In many counties, juvenile crimes are increasing at an alarming rate. What are the causes of this problem? What measures can be taken to reduce the rate of juvenile crimes? joll1
It is true that the growing rate of juvenile crimes has become significant throughout the years in many parts of the world. There are several reasons why an increasing number of young criminal offenders, however, governments could certainly take steps to address this issue. A variety of reasons might be responsible for a concerning rise of juvenile crimes. Firstly, one of the most triggering factors that contributes to teenagers to commit crimes is unemployment and lack of education. The implication of this is that young people need an adequate education to get employed as well as a sufficient amount of money to go through life. For example, there are many jobless highschool leavers who could not only afford further education but also to have three squares meals a day owing to the financial issues affected by parents, which eventually made them up up convicting crimes to carry on their lives. On the other hand, to mitigate this problem, governments could set out plans aimed at creating jobs for teenagers. for instance, easing rules and regulations in job requirements as well as promoting opportunities in the roles of part-time jobs, In addition to this, officials could launch scholarships for certain vocational training to teenagers which would admittedly lead to less uneducated young people in the coming future. Another worrisome reason is the ready availability of recreational drugs. This implies that an inclining number of young adults are on the verge of becoming drug addicts. To illustrate, a research has shown that there is a strong correlation between teen criminality and substance abuse. Hence, to tacle this problem, the officials should tighten up rules and investigation protocols to easy assessibility of drugs in local community. Furthermore, teenagers should be alarmed about detrimental effects of substance use through certain educational purposes, such as, social media platforms. To sum up, a great deal of factors are attributed to the rising percentage of teens convicting crimes, and the role of education, employment and drug-free community would be the vital to alleviate the alarming trend.
It is true that the growing rate of juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
has become significant throughout the years in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world. There are several reasons why an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
criminal offenders,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
could
certainly
take steps to address this issue.

A variety of reasons might be responsible for a concerning rise of juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Firstly
, one of the most triggering factors that contributes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is unemployment and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. The implication of this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need an adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed
as well
as a sufficient amount of money to go through life.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobless
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
leavers who could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
afford
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to have three squares meals a day owing to the financial issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by parents, which
eventually
made them
Possible typo: you repeated a word
up up
convicting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
to carry on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
On the other hand
, to mitigate this problem,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
could set out plans aimed at creating jobs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, easing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations in job requirements
as well
as promoting opportunities in the roles of part-time jobs,
In addition
to this, officials could launch scholarships for certain vocational training to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
which would
admittedly
lead to less uneducated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the coming future.

Another worrisome reason is the ready availability of recreational drugs.
This implies that
an inclining number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults are on the verge of becoming drug addicts. To illustrate,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
has shown that there is a strong correlation between teen criminality and substance abuse.
Hence
, to
Possible spelling mistake found.
tacle
this problem, the officials should tighten up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and investigation protocols to easy
Possible spelling mistake found.
assessibility
of drugs in local community.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should
be alarmed
about detrimental effects of substance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
through certain educational purposes, such as, social media platforms.

To sum up, a great deal of factors
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
attributed to the rising percentage of teens convicting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, and the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, employment and drug-free community would be the vital to alleviate the alarming trend.
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IELTS essay In many counties, juvenile crimes are increasing at an alarming rate. What are the causes of this problem? What measures can be taken to reduce the rate of juvenile crimes?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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