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money and it's effect in quality of life

money and it's effect in quality of life bElpY
Nowadays, money is one of the most significant elements in our lives. So, for many people, it may seem appropriate to marry for money rather than love. Certainly, money plays an important part in our lives. It is challenging for any persons to accept a partner who does not have money, or at least a job to take care of their future family. Hence, the expression, “marry for money” seems appropriate, in some extent, at least. However, I believe that marriage should involve a combination of both love and money. Clearly, love should be the foundation of any marriage. This is because firstly, love is such a strong bond between two persons, who have their own lives, yet become one. They can share each other’s sadness or happiness in order to overcome any difficulties in daily lives. Moreover, love fosters maturity because each member of a couple no longer has responsibility only for themselves, but also for their partner. These are just two, key reasons why marrying for love should always be encouraged. In my opinion, love and money are equally necessary. A marriage relying solely on money might rapidly disintegrate in the unfortunate event of the money running out. Similarly, a marriage relying on love alone might sometimes come to an end if the couple could not earn enough money to manage their family’s obligations such as paying bills, or buying food. Therefore, love and money should stand together in marriage, even though their contribution might often be somewhat unequal. To summarise, marriage without either money or love could come to an unfortunate end. For that reason, I would claim that they both make their own, vital contribution to the creation of a happy family.
Nowadays,
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money
is one of the most significant elements in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it may seem appropriate to marry for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
rather
than
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love
.
Certainly
,
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money
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. It is challenging for any persons to accept a partner who does not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, or at least a job to take care of their future family.
Hence
, the expression, “marry for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money”
seems appropriate, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, at least.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
should involve a combination of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and money.

Clearly
,
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love
should be the foundation of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
firstly
,
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love
is such a strong bond between two persons, who have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
,
yet
become one. They can share each other’s sadness or happiness in order to overcome any difficulties in daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
fosters maturity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each member of a couple no longer has responsibility
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for their partner. These are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
two, key reasons why marrying for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
should always
be encouraged
.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are
equally
necessary. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
relying
solely
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
might
rapidly
disintegrate in the unfortunate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
running out.
Similarly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
relying on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
alone might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
if the couple could not earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to manage their family’s obligations such as paying bills, or buying food.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should stand together in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
,
even though
their contribution might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
be somewhat unequal.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
,
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marriage
without either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to an unfortunate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. For that reason, I would claim that they both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, vital contribution to the creation of a happy family.
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IELTS essay money and it's effect in quality of life

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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