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Some people say the fashion industry has a bad effect on people’s lives. Do you agree? Write an essay using all the notes and giving reasons for your point of view

Some people say the fashion industry has a bad effect on people’s lives. Do you agree? Write an essay using all the notes and giving reasons for your point of view m2NJ8
A faction of the society believes in the importance of keeping up with the latest fashion trends. However, critics also argue on the various negative impacts fashion and glamour industries have on an individual's life. I strongly agree with the latter view and through this essay will explore the harmful effects of the fashion industry. Firstly, keeping pace with the latest trends in fashion, leads to an extremely expensive lifestyle. In addition, not only does buying new clothes to revamp a wardrobe becomes a massive expense, but also adds to wastage. Moreover, with trends changing every season, this further leads to excessive and sometimes compulsive buying. For example, an extensive study revealed that clothes bought at a fashion show were hardly worn more than once. Secondly, it has been observed that people who value fashion trends tend to wrongly judge others by their appearance alone. As cited by many, a book should not be judged by its cover. Similarly, a person should not be given merit on only their looks, however the values of honesty, kindness and the high level of thinking should be ranked much higher. To illustrate further, many marriages that were based on the outer appearance of a person, have seen a substantially higher divorce rate. This is a clear indication of the pitfalls of being influenced by and glamour. To conclude, it is clearly evident that the fashion industry is having a detrimental effect on people who blindly follow it. I strongly advocate that people should value quality over outer facade when making their decisions.
A faction of the society believes in the importance of keeping up with the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
.
However
, critics
also
argue on the various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and glamour industries have on an individual's life. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view and through this essay will explore the harmful effects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
industry.

Firstly
, keeping pace with the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
, leads to an
extremely
expensive lifestyle.
In addition
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "goes buying".
does buying
new clothes to revamp a wardrobe becomes a massive expense,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to wastage.
Moreover
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
changing every season, this
further
leads to excessive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
compulsive buying.
For example
, an extensive study revealed that clothes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
were hardly worn more than once.

Secondly
, it has
been observed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
tend to
wrongly
judge others by their appearance alone. As cited by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, a book should not
be judged
by its cover.
Similarly
, a person should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
merit on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their looks,
however
the values of honesty, kindness and the high level of thinking should
be ranked
much higher. To illustrate
further
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
marriages that
were based
on the outer appearance of a person, have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a
substantially
higher divorce rate. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
indication of the pitfalls of
being influenced
by and glamour.

To conclude
, it is
clearly
evident that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
industry is having a detrimental effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
blindly
follow it. I
strongly
advocate that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should value quality over outer facade when making their decisions.
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IELTS essay Some people say the fashion industry has a bad effect on people’s lives. Do you agree? Write an essay using all the notes and giving reasons for your point of view

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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