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Modern Technology has increased material wealth but not happiness. Discuss this statement and give your opinion

Modern Technology has increased material wealth but not happiness. Discuss this statement and give your opinion ELDLQ
Nowadays, the development of modern technology plays a vital role in people’s daily habits. Meanwhile, the number of people who are stress by being influenced by modern lifestyle is increasing. Firstly, modern technology makes people’s standard of living higher and the more their society grows, the more their wealth increases. People have been upgrading their electronics to new, more efficient devices to improve their quality of life level. High technologies such as laptops, cellular phones, remote controls and other electric equipment are significantly able to make every aspect of life more leisurely and become the essential needs of the human being. Therefore, advanced technological inventions are the main key factor in modern life and make our life better. Secondly, even though the benefits of modern technology have brought, people also have to suffer influences of the significant changes. For example, most of the time, people rely on technology to connect with other people by calling or sending text messages, spending their free time on social media, travelling every day, or even using high technology such as dishwashers and washing machines, microwaves. By contrast, sometimes the devices become error or damage, and people have to pay with the high repairing, which can lead to an unhappy mood of the person who was using them. In addition, advanced technology is not granted for a happy life, but people would indeed feel lost without them. Hence, modern technology improves people’s lives and brings a significant challenge to the person who owns it. In conclusion, although technological development in human society has both positive and negative to change our lives, people struggle without their devices. In my opinion, I believe that modern technology has improved people’s standard of living but cannot decide the happiness.
Nowadays, the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
plays a vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
daily habits. Meanwhile, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
by
being influenced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
lifestyle is increasing.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
standard of living higher and the more their society grows, the more their wealth increases.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have been upgrading their electronics to new, more efficient devices to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
level. High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
such as laptops, cellular phones, remote controls and other electric equipment are
significantly
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
every aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more
leisurely
and become the essential needs of the human being.
Therefore
, advanced technological inventions are the main key factor in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
better.

Secondly
,
even though
the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have brought,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer influences of the significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
For example
, most of the time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to connect with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by calling or sending text messages, spending their free time on social media, travelling every day, or even using high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
such as dishwashers and washing machines, microwaves. By contrast,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the devices become error or damage, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay with the high repairing, which can lead to an unhappy mood of the person who was using them.
In addition
, advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is not granted for a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
indeed
feel lost without them.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and brings a significant challenge to the person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
it.

In conclusion
, although technological development in human society has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
struggle without their devices. In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
standard of living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cannot decide the happiness.
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IELTS essay Modern Technology has increased material wealth but not happiness. Discuss this statement and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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