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Modern parents do not spend enough time with their children for several reasons, especially financial burden and the explosion of social media.

Modern parents do not spend enough time with their children for several reasons, especially financial burden and the explosion of social media. PLkV2
Modern parents do not spend enough time with their children for several reasons, especially financial burden and the explosion of social media. These changes definitely affect children more than their parents. Nowadays, parents try a lot to provide their children with the best in education and health, for that reason they have to spend a lot of time in the office. Instead of taking care of their children by themselves, they hired nannies or tutors to look after and teach the children. Consequently, to offer good living conditions for their children, both parents are forced to work. As a result, they lose opportunities to be with their children. The comprehensive development of children needs the presence of parents. Parents' love and concern helps them to become more confident and they will not feel abandoned. Family is the first school of children, where they can learn basic moral principles, good virtues from their parents. If children are not properly educated, this will affect their ability to socialize. Obviously, this busyness can also hurt parents. Having children close to a nanny or becoming internet addicted leads to generational gaps. It will be difficult for parents to be able to talk and understand their children. However they believe they work for the happiness of their children. Unfortunately, children are too young to understand their parents' intentions. In conclusion, parents should pay more attention to their children and balance their time between work and family. In my opinion, children are affected more than their parents, they absolutely need their parents' attention throughout their adulthood.
Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for several reasons,
especially
financial burden and the explosion of social media. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
definitely affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more than their parents.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
try a lot to provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with the best in education and health, for that reason they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time in the office.
Instead
of taking care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by themselves, they hired nannies or tutors to look after and teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Consequently
, to offer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
living conditions for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are forced
to work.
As a result
, they lose opportunities to be with their children.

The comprehensive development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
needs the presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Parents'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and concern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to become more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
confident and
they will not feel abandoned. Family is the
first
school of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, where they can learn basic moral principles,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
virtues from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not
properly
educated, this will affect their ability to socialize.

Obviously
, this busyness can
also
hurt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
close to a nanny or becoming internet addicted leads to generational gaps. It will be difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to be able to talk and understand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
they believe they work for the happiness of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Unfortunately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are too young to understand their parents' intentions.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should pay more attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and balance their time between work and family. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
more than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they
absolutely
need their parents' attention throughout their adulthood.
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IELTS essay Modern parents do not spend enough time with their children for several reasons, especially financial burden and the explosion of social media.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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