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PEOPLE IN MANY COUNTRIES ARE SPENDING LESS TIME WITH THERE FAMILY. WHAT ARE THE REASONS, EFFECTS OF THIS ?

PEOPLE IN MANY COUNTRIES ARE SPENDING LESS TIME WITH THERE FAMILY. WHAT ARE THE REASONS, EFFECTS OF THIS? 86GaV
It is true that quality family time is on the decline for many households the world over. This tendency is attributable to a host of reasons, and in this essay, I’m going to prove that it is going on to have dire consequences on both family and society. There are two underlying reasons as to why people are not spending as much time with their family as they used to in the past. First and foremost, hectic work schedules are depriving people of time spent for family. In modern society, most people are occupied with their job and struggle for time to properly bond with their spouse or children. And another driving factor that results in insufficient time for family is technology overuse. Given the proliferation of digital devices like the smartphones or tablets, significantly more people, especially younger generations, are becoming overly addicted to these technologies and isolated from their family as a result. Most teenagers, for example, would rather spend their time texting their friends via social media than engage in conversation with their parents. I would contend that the growing trend towards reduced family time is going to have repercussions not only on the family but also on society. Regarding the former, the absence of family time is furthering the distance between family members. This may fuel misunderstandings in family and potential conflicts, even divorces in worst-case scenarios. With respect to the latter, the deterioration of family relation could contribute to numerous social problems. For example, when parents spend more time working and less time with their children, they inadvertently leave their children more vulnerable to toxic influences from bad friends or media consumption, which is a precursor to increase violence and crime. In conclusion, packed work schedule and heavy use of technological gadgets are to blame for the increasingly less family together time, and I am convinced that this phenomenon has a number of negative implications for family and society.
It is true that quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is on the decline for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
households the world over. This tendency is attributable to a host of reasons, and in this essay, I’m going to prove that it is going on to have dire consequences on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and society.

There are two underlying reasons as to why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not spending as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to in the past.
First
and foremost, hectic work schedules are depriving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In modern society, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are occupied
with their job and struggle for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
properly
bond with their spouse or children. And another driving factor that results in insufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is technology overuse.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the proliferation of digital devices like the smartphones or tablets,
significantly
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
younger generations, are becoming
overly
addicted to these technologies and isolated from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as a result
. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
for example
, would
rather
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
texting their friends via social media than engage in conversation with their parents.

I would contend that the growing trend towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is going to have repercussions not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on society. Regarding the former, the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is furthering the distance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. This may fuel misunderstandings in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and potential conflicts, even divorces in worst-case scenarios. With respect to the latter, the deterioration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relation could contribute to numerous social problems.
For example
, when parents spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
working and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their children, they
inadvertently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their children more vulnerable to toxic influences from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
friends or media consumption, which is a precursor to increase violence and crime.

In conclusion
, packed work schedule and heavy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technological gadgets are to blame for the
increasingly
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
together
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and I
am convinced
that this phenomenon has a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and society.
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IELTS essay PEOPLE IN MANY COUNTRIES ARE SPENDING LESS TIME WITH THERE FAMILY. WHAT ARE THE REASONS, EFFECTS OF THIS?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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