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Modern lifestyle and children

Modern lifestyle and children qLn9d
Today human needs have changed and increased due to the huge progress of technology and businesses. However, most people are so hectic that they have little time for other life aspects such as their family. Unfortunately, the need to pay attention to children has been ignored. There are several opinions about parents and children relationship. A group believes children need much attention and will suffer if they don’t receive it, however second group holds the opposite view saying if children are left alone, they will be more powerful and have much confidence. Maybe these two opinions are partially true but have many unpredictable bad effects. On one hand, you can see many persons who are criminals or drug addicts because they were left alone to their own devices and grew up on their own, they did what ever they wanted without respect to laws and society. On the other hand, there are some other people who look so introvert or clumsy that no one can relay on them as they were constantly supervised by their parents And that’s why they are suffering from the lack of confidence and are totally dependent. We can say both of this two type personalities are suffering in adulthood. Also there are some other parents that have a moderate perspective who care for their children and besides let them make their own decisions and deal with their own problems and therefore they learn to stand on their own feet. These kind of children usually are so confident and sociable whose presence can be really helpful to society. I believe everyone needs to get their parents attention so as to give love to society and respect other people’s rights. Moreover, they should sometimes face their problems on their own to build their confidence to take initiative to be a trouble shooter in their future life and prospective career
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and increased due to the huge progress of technology and businesses.
However
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
hectic that they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
life aspects such as their family. Unfortunately, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

There are several opinions about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
relationship. A group believes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
much attention and will suffer if they don’t receive it,
however
second group holds the opposite view saying if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone, they will be more powerful and have much confidence. Maybe these two opinions are
partially
true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unpredictable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects.

On one hand, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
persons who are criminals or drug addicts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
devices and grew up on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, they did what ever they wanted without respect to laws and society.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who look
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
introvert or clumsy that no one can relay on them as they were
constantly
supervised by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
And that’s why they are suffering from the lack of confidence and are
totally
dependent.

We can say both of this two type personalities are suffering in adulthood.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that have a moderate perspective who care for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
besides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions and deal with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problems and
therefore
they learn to stand on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
feet.

Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
The adverb 'usually' usually goes after the verb 'are'.
usually are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
confident and sociable whose presence can be
really
helpful to society.

I believe everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
attention
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to society and respect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s rights.
Moreover
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
face their problems on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
to build their confidence to take initiative to be a trouble shooter in their future life and prospective career
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IELTS essay Modern lifestyle and children

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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