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Modern high technology is transforming how we work and is of benefit to all society. v.1

Modern high technology is transforming how we work and is of benefit to all society. v. 1
Nowadays, the continuous development in modern technology affects many aspects of our lives. For instance, we wash our clothes using a washing machine, we cook foods using a stove or a microwave oven, we travel using cars or aeroplanes, and we even build houses using machines and modern tools. From simple to complex tasks, we are dependent on technology. Hence, some will agree that technology makes our lives a lot easier and comfortable. However, despite the benefits that it brings, I believe that this development is less beneficial to human society especially on how it affects human productivity in terms of work. This argument is supported by stating the ill- effects of technology to society. First and foremost, the emergence of technology creates a negative effect on human skills enhancement. For example, the majority of the students prefers to use the internet in doing scientific research and solving mathematical equations instead of utilising their critical thinking skills. This impedes self-development and growth through lack of practice. Secondly, people tend to become more and more dependent on technology to the point that some would fail to complete tasks without the assistance of computer and machines. This can be illustrated by the incidence that occurred last year here in Manila. Many companies failed to meet their desired quota because machines do not work without electricity. Workers are not well trained and cannot meet production without the assistance of computers and machines. Moreover, due to technology, there are fewer job opportunities for vast workers. This happens because most of the business men invest on machines than hiring workers. They believe that machines are cheaper than paying skilled and trained workers it is resulting in a high rate of unemployed. Lastly, technology affects people's connection and passion in doing their job. For instance, in the past, clothes are woven manually by women, now they use the sewing machine instead. With the use of these machines, they lost their personal touch to the clothes that they have created. In summary, the drawbacks of modern technology further outweigh its benefits. Therefore, we should learn how to balance and be more critical in utilising it.
Nowadays, the continuous development in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
affects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, we wash our clothes using a washing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
, we cook foods using a stove or a microwave oven, we travel using cars or
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplanes' is British English.
aeroplanes
, and we even build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
and modern tools. From simple to complex tasks, we are dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
a lot easier and comfortable.
However
, despite the benefits that it brings, I believe that this development is less beneficial to human society
especially
on how it affects human productivity in terms of work. This argument
is supported
by stating the ill- effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to society.

First
and foremost, the emergence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on human
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "skills'" or "skill's"?
skills
enhancement.
For example
, the majority of the students prefers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet in doing scientific research and solving mathematical equations
instead
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
their critical thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This impedes self-development and growth through lack of practice.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to become more and more dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to the point that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would fail to complete tasks without the assistance of computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
. This can
be illustrated
by the incidence that occurred last year here in Manila.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
failed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their desired quota
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
do not work without electricity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Workers
are not
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well trained
and cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
production without the assistance of computers and machines.

Moreover
, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, there are fewer job opportunities for vast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
invest on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
than hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. They believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are cheaper than paying skilled and trained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
it is resulting in a high rate of unemployed.

Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
affects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's connection and passion in doing their job.
For instance
, in the past, clothes
are woven
manually
by women,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the sewing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
instead
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
, they lost their personal touch to the clothes that they have created.

In summary, the drawbacks of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
further
outweigh its benefits.
Therefore
, we should learn how to balance and be more critical in
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
it.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Modern high technology is transforming how we work and is of benefit to all society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
358 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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