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Mobilephones should ban for children. How extend do you agree or disagree

Mobilephones should ban for children. How extend Y2rg5
Usage of mobile phone during school days is a controversial topic as some people are strongly against because of its negative impact and some are in favour of as they can point out positive effect. The positive aspect include it can help in learning process and give a sense of security about children to their guardians whereas, the negative include smart phone can be distractive in study time as well as cause attention problem. Smart phones are ubiquitous with a number of exclusive usage. Firstly, it helps in the study by giving information through the internet facility. This means that, every smart phone has internet connection which gave instance answers to the enquiry of students so, they can clarify any doubts in study topic. For example, online encyclopedia like Wikipedia and other database are helpful in finding data. Thus phones can aid in learning. Secondly, mobile phones improve children's security by connect children with their parents all the time. If students are connected to their parent it improves their security. This is done by a variety of tracking applications which are available on every phone, by which adults can track children's location during the school time. This type of activity assure the regular attendance of children in school. On the other hand, smartphones have a dark side too. One of the drawbacks is that it causes disturbance of student's focus to other things like online games. It can be seen in online study activities, some of the pupil secretly playing video games while teachers are taking classes. This type of attention diverting activities is very prevalent among undergraduate with a phone. Besides this, excessive use of mobile phones has a detrimental effect on the attention span of children. Looking at a rapidly changing screen reduces people's ability to pay attention to a single object for a long time. For instance, a number of studies point out that students ability to concentrate on a topic decreases with increases in screentime. Therefore children of school age should not use a mobile phone. In summary, mobile use has both pros. The positive sides are helpful in finding answers quickly so facilitate acquiring knowledge and improve students security, however, excessive mobile use can deteriorate graduate focus on study and it reduces attention spam. In my opinion, pupil should be allowed to use the mobile phones with supervision.
Usage of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
during school days is a controversial topic as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
are
strongly
against
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of as they can point out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect include it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in learning process and give a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to their guardians whereas, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
include smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
distractive
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as well
as cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
problem.

Smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are ubiquitous with a number of exclusive usage.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
by giving information through the internet facility. This means that, every smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has internet connection which gave instance answers to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiry' is British English.
enquiry
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they can clarify any doubts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
topic.
For example
, online encyclopedia like Wikipedia and other database are helpful in finding data.
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can aid in learning.
Secondly
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
by connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with their parents all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are connected
to their parent it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
. This
is done
by a variety of tracking applications which are available on every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, by which adults can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
children's location during the school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This type of activity assure the regular attendance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in school.

On the other hand
, smartphones have a dark side too. One of the drawbacks is that it causes disturbance of student's focus to other things like online games. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
activities,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
pupil
secretly
playing video games while teachers are taking classes. This type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
diverting activities is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
prevalent among undergraduate with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
.
Besides
this, excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has a detrimental effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
span of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Looking at a
rapidly
changing screen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's ability to pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
to a single object for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
point out that
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "students'" or "student's"?
students
ability to concentrate on a topic decreases with increases in
Possible spelling mistake found.
screentime
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of school age should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a mobile phone.

In summary, mobile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
has both pros. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides are helpful in finding answers
quickly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
facilitate acquiring knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
,
however
, excessive mobile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
can deteriorate graduate focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
spam. In my opinion, pupil should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
with supervision.
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IELTS essay Mobilephones should ban for children. How extend

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
393 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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