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Milk production begins with a herd of dairy cows grazing on grass and ends with dairy products being purchased by consumers

Milk production begins with a herd of dairy cows grazing on grass and ends with dairy products being purchased by consumers kxYVW
As previously stated, the initial stage in the process is cows feeding on grass in a field. Twice a day, the cows are taken from the pasture to a milking facility where they are milked by an automated milking machine. The resulting milk is kept fresh in large refrigerated storage tanks. On a daily basis, the milk is collected by a milk tanker and transported to a dairy factory where further processes are applied to it in order to create a range of products. Some of the milk is pasteurized – heat-treated to kill any harmful bacteria – while the rest is converted into other dairy products: cheese, cream, and butter. Ultimately, the finished dairy products are transported to shops and supermarkets where they may be purchased by the general public
As previously stated, the initial stage in the process is cows feeding on grass in a field. Twice a day, the cows
are taken
from the pasture to a milking facility where they
are milked
by an automated milking machine. The resulting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
fresh in large refrigerated storage tanks. On a daily basis, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
is collected
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
tanker and transported to a dairy factory where
further
processes
are applied
to it in order to create a range of products.

If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
is pasteurized
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
heat-treated to kill any harmful bacteria
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
while the rest
is converted
into other dairy products: cheese, cream, and butter.
Ultimately
, the finished dairy products
are transported
to shops and supermarkets where they may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by the
Consider using "public".
general public

IELTS essay Milk production begins with a herd of dairy cows grazing on grass and ends with dairy products being purchased by consumers

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
130 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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