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How can we use time and health in good way?

How can we use time and health in good way? NwrBN
What resources will never be over whatever is done is a common false thought, which usually causes a lot of damage to both the environment and the future. In our short life, we should appreciate things we were given as a gift like time, youth and especially health before we lose them. For that reason, things which can help us to do this should be done about it. For example, priceless time should not be wasted laboring unnecessary things, such as chatting on the phone, watching TV a lot and hanging out with friends, instead of useful sides of them. Avoiding problems above, their benefits should as much as possible be tried to use. Possibly, telephones can be used to find out needful information, TV programs can be seen as a resource to improve our skills in English, and time which is spent hanging out with friends must remarkably be decreased. Solutions above can not only help us to control our second but also ameliorate our energy. It can be argued that weather time is being controlled by everyone or not, but people who are rich and successful in life can take over their gifts. The time saved can be used to make health stronger, maybe by doing exercises daily, walking in fresh air or reading something useful for mental well-being. In the nutshell, if our fitness is in a good condition, staff can easily be done. It is, thus, said that our health and time is our wealth given us for free.
What resources will never be over whatever
is done
is a common false
thought
, which
usually
causes
a lot of
damage to both the environment and the future. In our short life, we should appreciate things we were
given
as a gift like
time
, youth and
especially
health
before
we lose them. For that reason, things which can
help
us to do this should
be done
about it.
For example
, priceless
time
should not
be wasted
laboring unnecessary things, such as chatting on the phone, watching TV a lot and hanging out with friends,
instead
of useful sides of them. Avoiding problems above, their benefits should as much as possible
be tried
to
use
.
Possibly
, telephones can be
used
to find out needful information, TV programs can be
seen
as a resource to
improve
our
skills
in English, and
time
which
is spent
hanging out with friends
must
remarkably
be decreased
. Solutions above can not
only
help
us to control our second
but
also
ameliorate our energy. It can
be argued
that weather
time
is
being controlled
by everyone or not,
but
people
who are rich and successful in life can take over their gifts. The
time
saved can be
used
to
make
health stronger, maybe by doing exercises daily, walking in fresh air or reading something useful for mental well-being. In the nutshell, if our fitness is in a
good
condition, staff can
easily
be done
. It is,
thus
, said that our health and
time
is our wealth
given
us for free.
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IELTS essay How can we use time and health in good way?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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