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Messi started playing football as a boy and was noticed by clubs on both sides of the Atlanticand because his talent was soon apparent.

Messi started playing football as a boy and was noticed by clubs on both sides of the Atlanticand because his talent was soon apparent. 53RjN
Messi started playing football as a boy and was noticed by clubs on both sides of the Atlanticand because his talent was soon apparent. However, he was diagnosed with growth hormone deficiency (GHD) that would stop the body growth sooner and it required expensive medical treatment, including the use of the drug Human growth hormone. Luckily, He was given a trial with Barcelona, and the coach was impressed so they offered Messi a contract (written on a paper napkin! ) which included paying for Messi’s treatment in Spain. When he was 13, his family relocated to Barcelona. He played for FC Barcelona’s under-14 team, quickly graduating through the higher-level teams until his informal debut at age 16 with FC Barcelona in a friendly match. As a result, with strong effort and outstanding talent, he has became the GOAT (Greatest player of all time) in millions of his fans in all around the world.
Messi
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
playing football as a boy and
was noticed
by clubs on both sides of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Atlanticand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
his talent was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
apparent.
However
, he
was diagnosed
with growth hormone deficiency (
Possible spelling mistake found.
GHD
) that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the body growth sooner and it required expensive medical treatment, including the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the drug Human growth hormone. Luckily, He was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a trial with Barcelona, and the coach
was impressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they offered Messi a contract (written on a paper napkin!
Loose punctuation mark.
)
which included paying for Messi’s treatment in Spain. When he was 13, his family relocated to Barcelona. He played for FC Barcelona’s under-14 team,
quickly
graduating through the higher-level teams until his informal debut at age 16 with FC Barcelona in a friendly match.
As a result
, with strong effort and outstanding talent, he has
Use past participle here: "become".
became
the GOAT (
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Greatest".
Greatest
player of all time) in millions of his fans in all around the world.
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IELTS essay Messi started playing football as a boy and was noticed by clubs on both sides of the Atlanticand because his talent was soon apparent.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
153 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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