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Media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children

Media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children RKPp
Many young people around the world consider some celebrities as their role models. However, it is felt by many that media reporting of celebrities’ lifestyles has a negative impact on adolescents. I agree that for certain cases this opinion is true, but there are more famous persons who can also influence children for their good. To begin with, it is true that the portrait of famous celebrities socialized by the media and tabloids can affect the insecurity for some teenagers. Media often creates the “ideal” standard of body image based on celebrities’ image. This false idea then leads to the reactions of many young people todays on how they should be looked. For instance, in Indonesia the ads in TV or photos in magazine and social media platforms usually portraying a skinny, radiant white-skin celebrities. By showing this, more and more children, especially young girls, trying hard to get the same skin tone and “ideal” body shape so that they can feel more confidence with their looks. They are comparing too much because they get lack of self-confidence and sometimes feel worse about their own bodies. Nevertheless, some media also come up with the encouraging news of some famous people who have inspired young people towards a successful career. As a role model, many celebrities regularly share positive advice on their personal account in social media just to give supports for their fans, especially the teenagers, in order to build their self-esteem to success by working hard and not giving up easily. As an example, Agnez Monica, a well-known singer in Indonesia, always motivates her followers in Instagram by sharing her toughts and experiences on how perseverance finally led her to the favourable outcome. Another good example is Maudy Ayunda who has inspired her young admirers towards education by being accepted in Stanford University. These typical cases show how the news about superstar’s in media could also provides a number of positive effects on teenager. In general, indeed celebrities lifestyle presented on media can lead to the unsatisfactory behaviour on a child, but there are many popular people whose personal stories could give a motivation for people in the young age.
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Many
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young
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people
around the world consider
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some
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celebrities
as their role models.
However
, it
is felt
by
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many
that
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media
reporting of
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celebrities’
lifestyles has a
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negative
impact on adolescents. I
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agree
that for certain cases this opinion is true,
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but
there are more
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famous
persons who can
also
influence children for their
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good
.

To
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begin
with, it is true that the portrait of
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famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
socialized by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and tabloids can affect the insecurity for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
creates the “ideal” standard of body image based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities’
image. This false
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
then leads to the reactions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
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todays on
how they should
be looked
.
For instance
, in Indonesia the ads in TV or photos in magazine and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platforms
usually
portraying a skinny, radiant white-skin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. By showing this, more and more children,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
girls, trying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same skin tone and “ideal” body shape
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can feel more confidence with their looks. They are comparing too much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lack of self-confidence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
feel worse about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
bodies.

Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with the encouraging news of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have inspired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards a successful career. As a role model,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
regularly
share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
advice on their personal account in social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to give supports for their fans,
especially
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, in order to build their self-esteem to success by working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and not giving up
easily
. As an example,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Agnez
Monica, a well-known singer in Indonesia, always motivates her followers in Instagram by sharing her
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toughts
and experiences on how perseverance
finally
led her to the
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favourable
outcome. Another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is
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Maudy
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Ayunda
who has inspired her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
admirers towards education by being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in Stanford University. These typical cases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how the news about superstar’s in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
could
also
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "provide"
provides
a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.

In general
,
indeed
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celebrities
lifestyle presented on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can lead to the unsatisfactory
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
on a child,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose personal stories could give a motivation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age.
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IELTS essay Media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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