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Many young people regularly change their jobs over the years. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Many young people regularly change their jobs over the years. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Experts throughout the developing and developed world have debated whether periodic shifting jobs from one company to another is beneficial or not. This essay will discuss both views and assert that the accompanying disadvantages are more obvious than the advantages. To begin with, there are a number of advantages of acquiring a new job. The central reasons behind this is twofold, firstly people tend to obtain a new job with higher salary. In fact, by studying the job description in local labour market, we can witness that the same job title can get paid in a wide range of salary in various companies, giving rise to the desire and need for workers to approach a new employer. Moreover, this also increase the likelihood of getting promoted because of the experience they gained in previous companies. Secondly, compared to those who work for the same company for decades, workers can broaden their personal horizon by encountering new challenges from new environment, resulting in the enrichment of their personal growth. Therefore, it is conclusively clear that changing jobs regularly can benefit oneself. Although there is a case for finding a new job fostering the personal development, the ensuing disadvantages cannot be neglected. The most significant drawback is the potential loss of non-salary benefits such as pension and health insurance. For instance, in comparison to experienced staff, a new staff who was hired for a few months, in spite of his higher position, might not cumulate sufficient achievement and trust among teammates in a short period. Meanwhile, by working for a company for decades, a teammate who stayed long in a company often demonstrated loyalty to his employer, resulting in better benefits. This might encourage the company to offer better benefits to its long-term partners rather than the new headcount. Furthermore, fresh employees necessitate dedicated resource to retrain themselves in order to adopt into the new environment, and this additional investment offered by the company may also deter their manager from promoting new staff in coming years. In conclusion, there are both benefits and costs regarding the case of frequent change of jobs, yet, given the increasing concern about job stability, the downside outweighs its upside. It is predicted that the phenomenon of changing jobs will decline in the foreseeable future.
Experts throughout the developing and developed world have debated whether periodic shifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to another is beneficial or not. This essay will discuss both views and assert that the accompanying disadvantages are more obvious than the advantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are a number of advantages of acquiring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. The central reasons behind this is twofold,
firstly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to obtain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with higher salary. In fact, by studying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
description in local
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market, we can witness that the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
title can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid in a wide range of salary in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, giving rise to the desire and need for workers to approach a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
employer.
Moreover
, this
also
increase the likelihood of getting promoted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the experience they gained in previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
Secondly
, compared to those who work for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for decades, workers can broaden their personal horizon by encountering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
challenges from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment, resulting in the enrichment of their personal growth.
Therefore
, it is
conclusively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
regularly
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
oneself.

Although there is a case for finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
fostering the personal development, the ensuing disadvantages cannot
be neglected
. The most significant drawback is the potential loss of non-salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
such as pension and health insurance.
For instance
,
in comparison
to experienced staff, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
staff who
was hired
for a few months,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
his higher position, might not cumulate sufficient achievement and trust among teammates in a short period. Meanwhile, by working for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for decades, a teammate who stayed long in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
demonstrated loyalty to his employer, resulting in better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
. This might encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to offer better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
to its long-term partners
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
headcount.
Furthermore
, fresh employees necessitate dedicated resource to retrain themselves in order to adopt into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment, and this additional investment offered by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
may
also
deter their manager from promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
staff in coming years.

In conclusion
, there are both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and costs regarding the case of frequent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
yet
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the increasing concern about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
stability, the downside outweighs its upside. It
is predicted
that the phenomenon of changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will decline in the foreseeable future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many young people regularly change their jobs over the years. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
378 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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