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Many young people nowadays prefer to work for multinational companies rather than for state owned companies because they believe that they can gain many benefits there. Do you agree or disagree with their perspective

Many young people nowadays prefer to work for multinational companies rather than for state owned companies because they believe that they can gain many benefits there. with their perspective RRGop
In the integrated economy, multinational companies have become the ideal choice of employment for many young people because they believe that there they can get more benefits than working in state-owned companies. I completely agree with this point of view. First, when young people join multinational companies, they will work in a professional and quality environment. They can work with highly qualified colleagues, participate in projects. This is an opportunity for young people to see their own abilities and need to plan to develop. The global working environment also gives young people the opportunity to practice the language every day. Besides, working with foreign colleagues and customers will help young people approach and learn from diverse cultures and cultivate new knowledge. Next, multinational companies are places where young people can compete fairly. It can be seen that one thing is not good in domestic companies, there are many incompetent people who rely on relationships to advance. While capable young people have the knowledge, it is difficult to have opportunities for promotion, low salaries. Multinational companies only recruit qualified people, where young people can compete fairly, earn income based on ability, enjoy many incentives in terms of salary and bonus. According to survey results, the average salary of multinational companies is 29% higher than that of a domestic company. In short, it is undeniable that multinational companies bring many benefits to young people. Multinational companies are an ideal learning and working environment for young people.
In the integrated economy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have become the ideal choice of employment for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that there they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more benefits than
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working
in state-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view.

First
, when
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, they will work in a professional and quality environment. They can work with
highly
qualified colleagues, participate in projects. This is an opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
abilities and need to plan to develop. The global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment
also
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the opportunity to practice the language every day.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with foreign colleagues and customers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
approach and learn from diverse cultures and cultivate new knowledge.

Next
,
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multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are places where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can compete
fairly
. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that one thing is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
incompetent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who rely on relationships to advance. While capable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the knowledge, it is difficult to have opportunities for promotion, low salaries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
recruit qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can compete
fairly
, earn income based on ability, enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
incentives in terms of salary and bonus. According to survey results, the average salary of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is 29% higher than that of a domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In short, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are an ideal learning and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Many young people nowadays prefer to work for multinational companies rather than for state owned companies because they believe that they can gain many benefits there. with their perspective

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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